April the giraffe gives birth to computer generated baby giraffe in staged event on Facebook, anonymous sources admit

About 9:50 a.m. ET, April the giraffe, whose privacy rights violation pregnancy captivated thousands, gave birth to a computer generated baby calf at Animal Adventure Park in Harpursville, N.Y.  Five minutes later, it was announced to deaf eared masses that the event was in fact staged.

The computer generated baby calf squirted out and splayed on the ground before standing up and disappearing into a green screen, its mother nuzzling the newborn CGI calf exactly as the director had directed, yelling cut. At the time of the birth, about 1.2 million people watched live on YouTube and nearly 750K watched from the zoo’s Facebook page.

The advertising revenues earned from this elaborately staged event was nothing short of a European diamond heist, and those watching will be none the wiser if it is real or not real. People are more concerned with the happy thoughts of seeing a baby giraffe born in real-time on Facebook, when contrasted with fear and war and division.

This distraction is wonderful fodder and gives people a warm fuzzy feeling, making them unwilling to question the time spent watching this “real” event, when actually it was staged in such a fashion that no one could see the truth, only advertisers.

We had to come out and say it, an anonymous highly-regarded spokesperson said, we felt bad about hosing people about this event since February… We thought it was going to be a bit more obvious considering the perfect timing of the birth, Saturday, in the morning, while people are checking their phones… But is seems no one got it. 

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2 responses to “April the giraffe gives birth to computer generated baby giraffe in staged event on Facebook, anonymous sources admit

  1. ridiculously funny, witty, and engaging.. Your writing is fantastic.

    Liked by 1 person

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