Monthly Archives: March 2019

Daniel Suarez and Michael McDowell No Longer Facebook Friends, Misplaced Choke Hold Possibly to Blame

NASCAR AMERICA, USA– Daniel Suarez and Michael McDowell are officially no longer Facebook friends anymore after a misplaced choke hold gone wrong to the neck, allegedly. Unidentified and totally reliable anonymous sources close to the racers have absolutely confirmed this could maybe be possible, perhaps.

Video of incident: accidental choke hold incident

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Deactivate Your Social Media and Reactivate Your Life

EVERYWHERE, USA–Even with endless connection through social media, Generation Z and Millennials report feeling lonely. This is a clear sign that there is a need to deactivate societal social media account, and that social media is anything but social.

In the time a person can scroll a page endlessly they could have read book on self-help. They could have met a friend for a walk. A person could have started a side gig and paid down on crushing credit card or student loan debt. A person could have learnt a skill and realized they were happier with less constant interaction.

Social media can be a useful for staying in touch with old friends (so too can handwritten letters and phone calls). However, social media is not a friend, not even close. It is time to take your real life back by deactivating your social media and reactivating your life. Upgrade your life today.

MPR News Reports: “One Rough Month in No Way Proves or Disproves Climate Science”

FROGTOWN, USA–Minnesota received a record amount of snowfall last month, that’s a fact. Let’s look at a direct quote from an MPR article discussing climate change related to that fact:

Yes, it’s been cold. And snowy. But remember: One rough month in no way proves or disproves climate science.

Now, think about that quote in relation to the headline of the article wherein that quote is found, referencing how Minnesota snowfall records “might” be aided by climate change.

Those details considered, how might our snowfall records be aided by climate change, as the headline suggests, when this one record snowfall event in no way proves or disproves climate science, as the article suggests?

Source: MPR article

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Potentially Unconstitutional Garbage Service in St Paul Found to be Potentially Unconstitutional by Citizens Who May Have Read The U.S. Constitution at Least Once in the Last Year

ST PAUL, MN — The recent rollout of citywide government operated garbage collection program smacks of potential unconstitutionality, offering a single service provider, infringing upon freedom of speech of its citizens while operating, potentially, as a monopoly.

Some residents have said they enjoy the varying size options on containers, offered with previous providers: small, medium, and large, respectively, though, with winter being overly extreme because of global climate warming change, the service quality has been lackluster from the new service provider.

Had a citizen had their first amendment rights fully intact, they could choose from better quality providers, instead of just one, and be able to use their voice to vote with their dollar. Furthermore, a diverse provider option could provide service for those who choose to opt-out in attempt to promote a zero-waste option.

Certain things are a waste of time, reading the US Constitution is not one of those things. Citizens reserve the right under the Constitution to voice their free speech, even in selecting and employing a garbage service provider. The first amendment has jurisdiction throughout all of America, for all citizens, even regarding our trash and who takes it.

UNBELIEVABLE: Monster Trucks Reducing the Impact of Climate Change one Energy Emmission at a Time

FROGTOWN, USA– In a new effort to battle certain human apocalypse of man-made climate change, Earthsavers have theorized something totally unbelievable!

Monster trucks, that crush vehicles with high energy emmissions and monstrous carbon footprints, may save the planet from sheer devastation.