Category Archives: Comedy

Socialism in a Meme

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New Puppy No Longer Facebook Sensation, Likes and Comments Down, Owner Struggles to Find It Home at Humane Society

AMERICA, USA–A recent study showed that on average 65% of pet owners posted pictures of their pets to social media twice a week, these posts impact the quality of life for pets, especially if the pet is having trouble garnering an attractive and powerful presence on social media platforms.

Last week, for example, in a stunning reversal of opinion due to lack of likes and followers on Facebook, the owner of an old new puppy struggled to find it a new home at the humane society.

Likes just weren’t what they used to be on Facebook and Instagram, so the pooch had to go, said the former owner laughingly while staring at their phone. There will be better puppies out there to post on social media about, they quipped.

Recently, perhaps, there has been an uptick in the number of pets not pulling their weight on social media platforms and this hypothetical theory may directly impact the animal population within rescue facilities all over the globe, and their owner’s clout in the social media universe.

One solution to this potential problem could be that dogs and pets simply need to be cuter to retain their social media following and meaningful presence, perhaps breeding them better or creating an amazing, more interesting presence on social media can nip this issue in the bud.

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Don’t Stop Believing: Democrats and News Media Agree Mueller Report OVER But There is Still More to Investigate, Always

AMERICA, USA– Even if it’s NOT Mueller Time (bummer) and President Trump isn’t found to have colluded with Russia (double bummer), perhaps, rest assured Democrats and the news media will continue their endless crusade to prove what they believe happened happened, no matter what.

Everyone in the United States can sleep easy knowing that the smartest, most aware, most unbiased, and believable are now on the case, again, again. Really. This time they aren’t just looking for Russia collision tied to Trump, they are also looking for unicorns, magic dragons, and pots of gold at the end of rainbows. They are going to dig DEEP!

The new, new investigation could take an infinite amount of time, cover a plethora of unlimited topics, and cost tax payers trillions of dollars. But they got time, it’s not election season yet. And they got money: yours. And they got ideas, new ones! Get ready for the inevitable, again.

Coverage of the new investigation is expected daily, throughout its entirety, for transparency purposes. Indictments and new, more unique theories to follow. It’s Time… formerly known as Mueller Time, time.

Americans have waited two years, they can wait longer for this imperative and paramount information to be provided by this report, or the next, or the next, to reach a conclusion (that Democrats and the news media can all agree with).

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President Trump Declares Thanksgiving “Trumpsgiving”, New National Holiday in Honor of Himself

In an unprecedented last minute executive order, President Trump declared Thanksgiving as the newly rebranded national holiday, “Trumpsgiving”, according to anonymous high-level sources close to the administration.

The presidential name change took place early this morning, moments before the kickoff of the Macy’s Thanksgiving’s Day Parade. In response many cheered at the news, as others publicly screamed at the sky in agony.

Reports close to the unnamed sources Thursday, described the new holiday as similar to Thanksgiving but tremendously and hugely and bigly better for all Americans everywhere, a great success, like no other. And that people will love it, you’ll see.

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How spontaneously getting involved in a Grassroots Political Campaign helped me discover the most important thing in the world, let me explain

I am going to tell you what the most important thing in the world is in this post, are you ready?  Accordingly, by the time you are done reading this post you will have learned one of the most important concepts that there is to learn in life, it will feel good.  You will be improved and feel positive.  Let me start with by saying, I found this valuable idea by volunteering for a political party, doing grassroots campaign calls and giving surveys in my spare time.  That is where I found this important idea and why I want to share it with you.

I have never been more excited to share something that wasn’t a sales pitch.  Do you ever get this line from people?  I digress…  That is not what this essay is about, it’s about talking with random strangers on the phone about random strangers who may in a sense rule them and getting something actually human out of it.  Our country is divided into how many parties and there are people out there talking on the phone and reading scripts and sharing ideas.  (And people listen!)  Voice interaction, the old calling someone up and saying “Hello, is (person’s name) there?…  Mind answering a few questions???”

Calling, communicating, asking questions, these things leave an impression.  Impressions are called impressions because they they are pressed on the brain, indelibly hard to forget.  (When someone thinks their ideas matter that makes them feel good.)  I give them a name, tell them more names–familiar recognition, and even if they don’t want to speak to me or take the survey, they hear kindness and associate that kindness with me, with that party.  They hear my voice, some moniker that is a very familiar one–like John or Dan, and they remember that encounter at the voting booth.

For starters, I believe that is what this nameless grassroots campaign wants to happen.  I have read a few books on persuasion, and I realize that unforgettable first impression is exactly what they want to happen.  Blank canvas, hello, think, names, ok, yes, goodbye.  However, it can be difficult; cold callers have the hardest jobs out there because voices give away everything.  Nervousness, confidence, snark.  It’s not a Facebook post, it’s an interaction, in real-time.  The campaign manager wants to be blurt out the names as fast as I can, new names, old names, take a survey, etc.  Think on those memorable names.  And after that, I am surprised people say “yes” because I often say “no” to such surveys.

Remember, this is important.  Doing things in your free time for what you believe in is important, whether that be getting your candidate elected or helping to mentor someone in literacy.  Doing a social experiment for science is important, getting into politics or marketing with persuasion is important.  Going above and beyond a Facebook post or an ad-hoc spectacle or holding a sign proves that you realistically want to do something to make change, like, perhaps writing legislature.  (We’ve all been there.)

Sure, we can all make waves in a group, that is impressive as well, yet we can get carried away from what is deep within our hearts as individuals.

I thought about my little social experiment and it doesn’t matter the party, it doesn’t matter the ideas because they are all for political effect; insomuch as Thomas Sowell said about “rent control”, in Basic Economics:  I paraphrase, it’s all hot button issues, that’s it.  But aside from the hot button political issues, in the end the underdog is the ultimate American.  The one that believes in their values when the popular majority throws them out and calls them dogs, doubts them infinitely.  That is the time when believing in yourself and doing what other people call “stupid”, “idiotic” or “wrong” on social media is the most important.

In conclusion, the most important thing is to do what is most important to you, not what’s important to everyone else and what they think about it.  Don’t worry about a sea of vehement passionists screaming accolades so you fall in line, or shaming you so you steer off course.  Stick to your plan.  Believe in your goals.  Believe in yourself.  If you can change the political color of a state, or someone’s mind, and not need to feel endorsed by everyone with their Twitter likes or their Insta-approval then it means that you are doing something right and that is important.  Even hearing “No, I would not like to take your survey…” is important because that person is telling you how they feel and making a point for what matters to them.  That is the most important thing in the world.

More information:  https://ballotpedia.org/Minnesota_elections,_2018

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Annihilation – The End of the Original Sci-Fi Movie Plot – SPOILERS WITHIN

*** SPOILER ALERT  ***

Last night I saw a movie for the first time in years.  That movie was Annihilation.  I had little prior knowledge of the film before seeing it.  I didn’t see a trailer.  I didn’t read a review.  I just went and saw it with my wife.  Here is the gist.

As a disclaimer I will admit I enjoyed this film.  I enjoyed going to a movie for the first time in a long time.  It was great, minus the idiot on his phone in the row in front of us.  It was a pleasure.  Thank you for reading my review of Annihilation.

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Best Shot: The best shot in this film, aside from all of the visually stunning flora and fauna, is at about the midpoint when the team of experts stumbles upon a mess hall.  They find a video of some sick death by a cadet before them.  The crew finds the scene of his death has turned an  abandoned swimming pool into an explosion of colors and what appears to be mold.  This grotesquely morbid end creates creates and aesthetic I have rarely seen in films.  Like zombie ants with fungus shooting from their heads.  Like mummies on display.  This was the best shot in my opinion.  Although everything seems to sparkle and shimmer in alien phosphorescence.

Worst Shot:  Spoiler alert the worsts shot is at the end when the alien in the lighthouse pirouettes the main character.  It’s far too long.  Far too played out.  I have seen in before.  It adds very little.  We know that the alien is trying to mirror the humans before this point in the film.  Also, the shots of the extra-marital affair involving the main character.  This affair does nothing to move the plot.

Plot:  Perhaps we have reached a point in the sci-fi cannon when all ideas have been exhausted to the point at which we just basically are trying to understand us, while realizing there is nothing out there beyond us.  Perhaps.  The pedestrian alien in Annihilation are basically the same alien in Signs, or any other cartoon alien–except for with a smaller head and limited facial features.  Aliens are still somewhat green and still somewhat humanoid and thinking.  However, these aliens may not understand the ideological concept of “want”, “wanting”, or “preference”.  The just do.  They just change.  For whatever reason, it’s never really explained.

Takeaway:  Annihilation is visually appealing, it’s visually appealing like Prometheus.  The film offers moments of tender human relations, marriage, and longing.  It also bring a bit of horror with a monster bear and the idea of going nuts in a world where, or in a bubble–ironically for our times, a bubble, where those around you are going clearly mad.  Changing from one thing to another irregardless of the individuals intentions.  These things happen.  Like biology, I guess.  Near the end of the movie the main point shows through: things change for the simple reason that they can.  Outside alien entities change us for their reasons and their reasons are unknown.  That’s basically it.  Annihilation poses more questions than it answers while still making me thing a little bit but not offering much novel idea.  It was an entertaining flick, but it has some explaining to do, and of course a work cited may be necessary in the credits.

 

Advice: Complaining