Category Archives: sports

After El Capitan, Alex Honnold free-solo climbs into his van

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Image from Outside Magazine

Yosemite National Park–Alex Honnold has done it once again and attained another impossible feat in the world of serious climbing. After tackling El Capitan, onlookers watched as Honnold effortlessly and breathtakingly free-solo climbed into his van.

Awestruck spectators watching with eyes agape could hardly believe their camera phones at what they were witnessing/recording for Instagram, the professional mountain climber and avid reader stepped up to his white utility van and pulled himself in with absolute ease over the crux of the biscuit, the side door hole.

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Image from Outside Magazine

What was once thought an unbelievable accomplishment for humankind, to climb into a van door without safety ropes and harnesses or parachutes or life jacket has been proved believed, and somewhat realistically attainable by man.

The significance of this epic and monumental ascent is nothing short of the faked moon landing footage, in relation to what Stanley Kubrick had done for the American mentality in the space race and for cinematography in general throughout history, in relation to what Alex Honnold did in his climbing groups zen.

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From inside of his van Honnold humbly took questions looking incredibly far down at the world from such a great height as he ate a pop tart and read a book about notes from some 19th century author who lived in some underground. Honnold could only thank his dearest mother.

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Viking Mind Games: Cardboard Cutout of Adrian Peterson to Play in Sundays Game against The Colts

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After a week of sexy salacious discussion as to if Vikings’ star running back, and interim Vikings’ sideline hype manager, Adrain Peterson, will play in Sundays game, there comes an unexpected answer.  Today, the answer has come from an unofficial Vikings’ spokesperson verifying that an actual cardboard cutout of Adrian Peterson will indeed play in Sundays game as a decoy, and not the real person Adrian Peterson.

This unusual strategy comes as no surprise at all to a team that must, and will do anything to win and ascend to the Superbowl spectacle in January. “[You] see, the more we talk about him (Adrain Peterson) playing, or not playing, in Sunday’s game, the more it throws off the other team’s game plan off,” said the unofficial Vikings’ spokesperson and anonymous source, “it only makes sense that the Vikings would resort to such a tactic so late in the season [having not had superstars Peterson or Bridgewater.].

Naturally, this sort of move is not the first time we have seen a secretive ploy get the Vikings ahead in their league, for instance, in the first few weeks of the season a similar situation happened with highly anticipated Teddy Bridgewater; with a head coach switch-a-roo (which is still being carried out today), emergency eye surgery that no one saw coming, and with a kicker’s identity change mid-season, Walsh is still known by a new moniker, Forbath.  Ok Chris Gaines, we know you are Garth Brooks.  Needless to say, The Bridgewater Bluff fooled even the best of NFL insiders, obviously, and it also paid dividends to the Vikings’ scoreboard.  But the scheme could not last long, the wins started to stop.

And to summarize, that is why the cardboard cutout of Peterson is absolute genius for throwing an opposing team off their game and giving The Minnesota Vikings the edge they need to come out ahead; however, this strategy may only work for one game, as the other team may catch on to the cardboard cutout Peterson rouse somewhat easily.  Yet, like politics if you keep talking about it as if it so, then of course it is so for many–especially the other team.  So, be ready fantasy football people, AP’s four points may just turn to zero, or a million points for the Purple and Gold, as one cannot draft a cardboard cutout.  However it remains to be seen if another Viking’s mind game will bring another solid “W” with the idea of a paper tiger, or if they will just get pulped and recycled.