Tag Archives: Comedy

Things I notice when I think

_DSC6708.JPG

A refreshing beverage to help me unwind 

1.) Group think is much easier than having an individual abstract thought that is different than what the majority thinks.  If we all just agreed then there would be no argument, ever.  And making all of the arguments that we don’t agree with out to be wrong or bad or misguided makes our point more relevant and digestible to us.  I remember in elementary school where being different was unique or a good thing, now it’s just not falling in line.

2.)  Occupy Wall Street was a good movement, perhaps.  It included all the poor class(es) perhaps.  It was against the upper class perhaps.  It did not divide the poor individuals by race, gender, nationality, or creed, perhaps.  It was the 99% against the 1% perhaps.  That’s America mothertrucker!  Alas, the 1% own the media; the media stopped covering the Occupy Movement, now they tell us things like flamethrowers are for peace, so is punching, perhaps.

3.)  Most people have passionate feelings about Trump, though they have never met him in person… So they don’t know him from Adam, aside for what certain secondhand accounts paints him.  That is more weird than Trump himself.  I don’t know you, someone who doesn’t know describes you to me, I know everything about you apparently from what they tell me about you: same thing.  I don’t believe in polls.  I don’t believe in advertisements.  I believe in empirical experience.  Did I see it?  Most people have strong opinions of Trump and they have never met Trump.  He is an easy distraction.  He is easy to dislike, perhaps a group thought.

4.)  While all are fighting to protect everything they hold near and dear– identities, everyone else’s identities, rights, freedoms, livelihoods, neighborhoods, peace, and jobs, by fighting–demonstrators are out there doing what they say they are against.  Ideology is an important aspect of any movement, I once thought.  Not really sure.  These actions disenfranchise all of our rights.  These actions put our freedoms at more danger than anything.

5.)  People are crazy.  Ever watch a garden grow into a salad?  Ever mow the grass and see it come back again the same?  Ever watch a sun set on a Sunday?  The news should be on this stuff.  I have never been to North Korea, that place is fine with me.  I have never been to Russia–I have met a russian, all that is fine with me.  It’s all good.  Crazy people assume a stance given to them by the very people they dislike and go with it, even if it doesn’t work a million times over.

6.) These are just things I notice when I think.  I am defending and denouncing no one.  I am merely positing abstract thought to think about.  No need to take it as fact or persuasion.  I think thinking is good.  I think having different ideas and questioning conventional-now wisdom is a fantastic practice, and healthy.  Why not ask why the sky is blue, or why the earth is round, or why global warming is going to drown us all?  Think about it…  Texas Toast doesn’t have to be made in Texas to be called Texas Toast.

Advertisements

Trump presidency is turning out to be an absolute failure, and here’s why; a new study finds that new study is a new study, new study results show

nbc-fires-donald-trump-after-he-calls-mexicans-rapists-and-drug-runners.jpg

The worst picture we could find of Donald Trump, to skew your perception of him

Frogtown, USA–In a recent new study, recent new studies show that recent new studies are recent new studies, reports from an unnamed source reported and then reported about, and something negative about President Trump.  With this accurate ground breaking information Facebook has become abuzz, the entire living world is assessing this information in a meaningful way on the social media platform and throughout their divisive groups.

No one can quite believe or truly comprehend the factual knowledge that something that is something is something that is that something, other than something negative about Trump and his administration.  The important aspect of this new study is just believe this recent new study is a new study without questioning the recent new study of the recent new study, or go beyond reading the recent new study’s headline before sharing the new study’s results with everyone, literally.

This new study is somewhat of an anomaly in that it is an anomaly to report that something is reported as that something that that something is, by an unnamed source, yet again, and negative things about Trump.  Most news nowadays is just opinion wrapped in some of the 5 Ws in a guise passed off for as news, exactly how the media which pays these news organizations to report such Op Eds, emotive ad nauseam same opinion.

The results of the results of the most recent study of the most recent study shows that the recent new study is a recent new study and has been done recently, is new, and is a study.  Aside from that the recent new study shows the general public nothing about nothing about nothing because every situation is 50/50, and something negative about Donald Trump, every time no matter what.  Moreover know that this recent new study is a recent new study is a recent new study and talk about it amongst your social media groups and community organizations.

 

Wreckage of Doomed Nantucket Whaling Ship Pequod Discovered in Pacific Ocean, Likely Destroyed by Moby Dick–Russian hackers to blame

02

Actual photo of the infamous Nantucket Whaler, The Pequod in her final resting place. -Google

The infamous long-lost Nantucket whaler, The Pequod, has been found in less than pristine condition at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean, off the coast of Papua New Guinea,  just below the equator, researchers have said, in a discovery that challenges the accepted history behind one of whaling’s deepest and most revered mysteries.

 

The Pequod was destroyed in heavy seas in an epic historical battle with the tenacious and malevolent white whale, Moby Dick, in the 1850s, during Captain Ahab’s much storied doomed attempt to pay vengeance on the while for taking his leg.

 

All men on Ahab’s fateful expedition, except for Ishmael–by way of, ironically, a coffin, perished, in the worst disaster to hit Nantucket in its long history of whaling. Search parties continued to look for the ship for 11 years after it disappeared, but found no trace, except for Ishmael, and the fate of the missing men remained an enigma that tantalised generations of historians, archaeologists and adventurers for years to come.

 

Now that enigma appears to have been solved by a combination of intrepid exploration, literary sleuths – and an improbable tip from Team Zissou.  

zissoupaintingsmallo.jpg

Team Zissou -Photo from Google

 

On Sunday, a team from the charitable Hennessey Research Foundation manoeuvred a small, remotely operated submarine from a dinghy through an open hatch and into the ship’s lumber to capture stunning images that give insight into life aboard the vessel close to 170 years ago.  “We found the food storage room with plates and one can on the shelves stove in.”

 

Alistair Hennessey Pacific Research Foundation

“We have successfully entered the captain’s quarters, we presume, worked our way into a few cabins, potentially, and found the spermaceti storage room with barrels and harpoons asunder,” Adrian S’moreschnapps, the foundation’s operations director, told the reporters by email from the research vessel Martin Bergmann.

 

“We spotted harpoons, a gold doubloon nailed to one of the ship’s masts, mixed with tables and empty shelving. We found a deck with curious peg holes and instruments for the purpose of whaling.”

imgres.jpg

Not a picture of the Titanic, but a picture of The Pequod resting at the bottom of the ocean. -Photo from Google

 

The destroyed wreckage matches that of The Pequod in several key aspects, however it lies 60 miles (96km) south of where experts have long believed the ship was catastrophically done in by the hatefully-maligned white whale, and this discovery may force historians to rewrite a chapter in the history of whaling.

 

The 20-member Mountain Man crew found the absolutely obliterated shipwreck, with her three masts broken but still standing, one with a gold doubloon nailed to it, almost all hatches destroyed and everything stowed, in the middle of a vast underwater crag in the Pacific on 3 September.

 

After discovering little in an early morning search, the research vessel was leaving the bay when a grainy digital silhouette emerged from the depths on the sounder display on the bridge of the Bergmann.

 

“Most on board were up in the wheelhouse by that point in disbelief, obviously,” said Michael James Bond, 27, who was at the helm when the research vessel steamed straight over the sunken wreck.

 

Since, then, the discovery team has spent more than 5 weeks quietly gathering images of the vessel, re-reading Moby-Dick, and comparing the facts with the Pequod’s 17th century builders’ plans, descriptions, and peculiarities which match key elements of the sunken vessel.

 

At first, The Pequod seemed to be listing at about 45 degrees to starboard on the seabed. But on the third dive with a remotely operated submarine from a dinghy, “we noticed the wreck is sitting exploded to splinters on the ocean floor listed in a pile – which means the boat sank by being eviscerated by a spiteful white whale with a vendetta,” S’moreschnapps said Monday.

 

Approximately 200 metres (656.168ft) down, the wreck is in a horribly dismal condition, with American wood lumber that reinforced the hull against ocean currents clearly annihilated, visible amid swaying kelp, sharks, and giant squid.  

 

A long, heavy hemp rope line running through a hole in the ship’s deck suggests an anchor line definitely had not been deployed before the Pequod violently went down.  Which makes this event believable.

 

If fact, that sets up the tantalising possibility that Nantucket whalers sank with the vessel in an all-out impossible final battle with the notorious white whale, leaving only Ishmael to float to safety in a coffin on the vast Pacific.  

 

One crucial detail in the identification of the ship is it’s smashed in hull, damage sustained only by being smited in by a white sperm whale.  

 

“This is in the precise location where barrels stored oil in the Pequod’s belly to finance the ship’s whaling voyage, to fuel candlelight, and to squeeze coagulated spermaceti, through whaling perils and successes,” said S’moreschnapps in a phone interview.

 

The ship’s wood lies on the ocean floor, close to where the whaler on watch would have swung the clapper to mark time, and yell “There she blows!-there she blows! A hump like a snow-hill! It is Moby Dick!”

 

“The wreck is clearly in disrepair, the glass panes are blown out in three of four tall windows in the stern cabin where the ship’s commander, Captain Ahab, schemed and plotted his redeeming final battle,” S’moreschnapps added.

 

“She [The Pequod] looks like it was buttoned down tight for winter’s night and sank, after falling off mount Everest and then being hit by twenty trains,”– he then quickly added. “Everything was shut and decimated. Even the windows defenestrated by wood shards. If you could lift this boat out of the water, and pump the water out, it would definitely not float.”

 

Adrian S’moreschnapps, Pacific Research Foundation

The Pacific Research Foundation was set up by Jim Belushi and Alistair Hennessey, a naval tech tycoon and socialite philanthropist, who co-founded Research in the Ocean, creator of the loveable Furbies.

 

Belushi, who also played a key role in planning the expedition, proposed a theory to explain why it seems The Pequod sank far south of where they believed.

 

“This discovery changes history,” he told the Guardian. “Given the location of the find [in James Bond Bay] and the state of the wreck, it’s almost certain that The Pequod was not operationally closed down by the remaining crew who then did not re-boarded another vessel and sail south to safety where they would not have met their ultimate tragic fate.”

 

The 21st-century search for Ahab’s expedition was launched by Russian President Vladimir Putin as part of a broader plan to assert Russian sovereignty in the Pacific and promote development of its non-renewable resources – including vast reserves of sperm whale oil, ambergris harvests, and coral reef mines, which will be easier to exploit as the Pacific warms and sea ice disappears, naturally, this is attributed factually to global warming.  

 

Putin’s underwater archeologists have led the mission since it began in 2008. Now they must confirm the wreck is The Pequod, either by examining the foundation’s images or visiting the site themselves. With the first winter snow already falling in the South Pacific, James Bond Bay will soon be encased in thick sea ice.

 

***

 

The Dramatic Sinking of The Pequod:  

imgres-1.jpg

Artists accurate depiction of the sinking of The Pequod

“Only Ishmael [was] unable to return to the boat. He [was] left behind in the sea, and so [was] the only crewman of The Pequod to survive [its] final encounter. The whale [then] fatally attack[ed] the Pequod. Ahab [realizing] that the destroyed ship [was] the hearse made of American wood in Fedallah’s prophesy.

 

The whale (Moby Dick) return[ed] to Ahab, who stab[bed] at him again. The line loop[ed] around Ahab’s neck, and as the stricken whale sw[am] away, the captain [was] drawn with him out of sight.

Queequeg’s coffin c[a]me to the surface, the only thing to escape the vortex when Pequod sank. For an entire day, Ishmael float[ed] on it, and then the Rachel, still looking for its lost seamen, rescue[d] him.” -Wikipedia’s actual account of the last known sighting of the Pequod.

 

The latest discovery was made two years and a day after Canadian marine archeologists found the wreck of Erebus in the same area of eastern of the South Pacific where Inuit oral history had long said a large wooden ship sank.

 

The same stories described startled Inuit stumbling upon a large dead man in a dark room on a different vessel, with a big smile. Experts have suggested that may have been a rictus smile, or evidence that the man had suffered from scurvy.

 

Putin’s Russian archeologists found The Pequod standing in just 11 meters of ocean. Sea ice had taken a large bite out her stern, and more than a century of storm-driven waves had not scattered a trove of artifacts around the site.

 

So far, archaeologists have brought up nothing from Ahab’s flagship.

 

Inuit knowledge was also central to finding the James Bond Bay wreck, but in a more mysterious way. Crewman David Lee Roth, 49, of Gjoa Haven, had been on the Bergmann for only a day when, chatting with fon the bridge, he told a bizarre story.

 

About six years ago, Roth said, he and a hunting buddy were headed on snowmobiles to fish in a lake when they spotted a large piece of wood, near scrimshaw, which looked like a mast, sticking out of the sea ice covering James Bond Bay.

 

In a phone interview, Roth said he stopped that day to get a few snapshots of himself hugging the wooden object, only to discover when he got home that the camera had fallen out his pocket along with his selfie stick.

 

Roth resolved to keep the encounter secret, fearing the missing camera was an omen of bad spirits, which generations of Inuit have believed began to wander James Bond Bay after Ahab and his men perished.

 

When S’moreschnapps heard Roth’s story, he didn’t dismiss it, as Inuit testimony has been so often during the long search for Ahab’s ship.

 

Instead, the Team Zissou crew agreed to make a detour for James Bond Bay on their way to join the main search group aboard the Canadian Coast Guard icebreaker CCGS Sir Wilfrid Laurier and the Royal Canadian Navy’s HMCS Shawinigan, at the north end of Victoria Strait.

That is where the only known record of The Pequod’s journey coordinates pointed for what experts now call the point of abandonment.

 

An indecipherable scrawled note dated sometime around that time, and concealed in a stone cairn at a secret point on northern James Bond Bay, said The Pequod had been obliterated three days earlier, smited by a hateful white whale.

 

Starbuck was in command of “the officers and crews, consisting of 105 souls”, because Ahab had gone to chase Moby Dick the note continued, “and now our captain has lead us to our demise, ignoring all foreshadowing and ominous tell… ”.

 

Stubb and First Mate Starbuck signed the note, which had what seemed a hurried postscript, scrawled upside down in the top right corner: “Listen here, ye men, we are going to die, maties!!!  The very end is nigh, in three horrible parts, Old Thunder has done us in, old boys, stove us with the mighty DICK… we drown now and go, no, no, no…  AHHHHH!!!!”.

 

Survivors apparently hoped to float to the river – now known as Henry David river – south to safety at a Jack Sparrow Bay Company fur trading outpost.

 

All perished, except the narrator, and for generations, the accepted historical narrative has described a brutal death march as the Nantucket whalers  tried to walk out of the South Pacific, dying along the way.

 

Now Moby Dick experts will have to debate whether at least some of the dying sailors instead mustered incredible strength, fighting off hunger, disease, frostbite, and a giant loathsome white whale, in a desperate attempt to sail home.

***

Mimic article from: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/sep/12/hms-terror-wreck-found-arctic-nearly-170-years-northwest-passage-attempt

Newly adopted rescue dog thwarts suspected armed robbery; assailants disarmed and dislegged by “Fluffy” still at large

5216368-4143385701-960.j.jpg

“Fluffy” rescue dog who purportedly saved family from would-be robbers

Frogtown USA– In what seems to be an ironic and tragic series of events, authorities have responded to a gruesome scene in what could only be described as an armed robbery gone incredibly and horribly wrong.

At the shocking scene bloody body parts lay strewn at what could have been an armed robbery only thwarted by the new family companion, pictured above, a dog named Fluffy, a newly adopted rescue animal.  No victims were harmed, no property stolen, and only the suspected criminals were left scathed.

After the failed heist, intervened by “Fluffy” the Rogers’ beloved newly adopted rescue dog, assailants made away not on foot, bleeding profusely from badly torn orifices, crying in agonizing pain, from deep and infected canine bite wounds.

In lieu of these blessed and terrifying events, the Frogtown detectives have issued an all points bulletin for the general public to be on the look out for two men in shredded ski masks missing arms and legs and most likely suffering from extreme blood loss.

[The] Body parts have been removed from the scene and been logged into the Frogtown criminal investigations headquarters as evidence of this epic failure of an attempted armed robbery.  Authorities are tirelessly trying to match arms and legs to at large assailants via DNA analysis.

BREAKING: Russia hacks Netflix’s House of Cards 5th season 2016 election says Assange, Underwood concedes to Conway in landslide upset

30cards-refresh-slide-TF65-master768.jpg

President Underwood after his massive defeat to opponent Will Conway.  Source

In what turned out to be a shock that could only be something that is not really actually stranger than fiction, while watching Netflix’s House of Card 5th season the world realized that Russia also hacked the election in favor of Will Conway over Francis Underwood in the 2016 election, said Julian Assange.

592dae15c4618894658b465e.jpg

Julian Assange physically in disbelief with his hands spread wide over the Underwood defeat.  RT

In the extremely highly anticipated unbelievable inscrutable 5th season of House of Cards, the intense 2016 election was also hacked by Russia operatives and hackers out to destroy the election hopes of democratic nominee Francis J. Underwood, which is facutally tied to the Trump campaign.

The Will Conway victory came as a utter surprise to even Will Conway himself, as he poured his orange juice, readied for the day, and stretched out for a run he could not believe that he was set to win the hotly debated muchly contested presidential campaign trail, followed up by this closely watched election conclusion.

Ostensibly, when asked for a comment about Netflix’s new season of House of Cards, released May 30th on Netflix, unidentified, potentially high-level Russian informants gave no comment as to if they did have a hand in the election, or if they did not have a hand in the

49c364-20161106-trumprally01

President Trump explaining how he actually didn’t have a part in this.

Underwood/Conway election, unknown and unreliable sources have passionately confirmed.

Accordingly, a proverbial “witch hunt” is in store for the next 4 years, not as a distraction for the entire nation, but as an opportunity to prove that even though Underwood lost, he was and still is the right person for the job, and in some miraculous way there is still hope that a time machine may be invented to go back in time and remedy this err, for all humanities sake.

Underwood is slated to contest the election results for the foreseeable future, taking trips across the nation to subliminally slander and disparage Conway in all of his attempts to run his office proper, this will be a new opportunity for the much beloved Francis Underwood to get his campaign machine geared up for the next election cycle in House of Cards season 8.

Reading Facebook and CNN regularly for a year found equal to attaining a political science doctorate, one study proves

St Paul, MN– In a recent unsubstantiated report put out by AP (Ambiguous Press) a single covert unobtrusive research study has found that reading Facebook or CNN at least twice daily, perhaps, is actually equal to attaining a political science doctorate from an accredited University.

This astonishing fact, perhaps, has come out at a time when your friends on Facebook may know just about everything there is to know about politics and science from simply reading a headline published by CNN and create an elaborate and accurate theory or law in a matter of moments in a status update or a rudimentary comment, breakthroughs that change the world.

Sir Richard B’hole, the leading scientist on the study, and famous Antarctic big game hunter, expressed these findings proves that our brains work faster than they ever have before, people are more certain in their beliefs and that is all that matters.  Sir B’hole went on to say that it’s amazing that we can learn so much from so little.  

Although the AP reported study has been published and went viral on Facebook and throughout social media venues unquestioned, it is merely one single scientific study, meaning that it still has to be tested countless other times and produce the same result, and then go on to be peer reviewed, this, to even be close to considered factually or realistically relevant.  To that B’hole said, we are on to something here, we live in a very intelligent time… very interesting.

UPDATE: Real ID passes in Minnesota, to go to an immediate recount over outcry from career demonstrators concerned for real IDs of Fantalogists

REAL_ID_Q_A_37898501

A security guard checking a questionable passport of some guy in a leather jacket at an airport somewhere. Photo by Nam Y. Huh, Associated Press

“The Minnesota Senate passed a bill late Thursday to bring the state into compliance with the federal Real ID law as a January 2018 deadline nears”, and moments later, predictably, thousands of career demonstrators gathered outside to protest the passing of the Real ID bill to protect the rights of a small group of Fantalogists living in fantasy world.

Under the new law real fake people, Fantalogists–those religiously living in imaginary fantasy world, would be required by law to change their real fake status–or change their fantasy status, to real person or real citizen.  This change would go against their fantastical real-fake principles said a completely reliable source and in-house resident of fantasy world.

What this new law does actually is cause people who do want to live in fantasy world much stress, it forces them to come into reality and get a card that states that… one anonymous impassioned and disruptive protester explained without listening.  This basically goes against everything we know, you can look at the facts, this literally goes against the religious rights of real fake people, therefore our First Amendment rights–this is a constitutional issue!!!

After the twilight outcry, the Minnesota Senate quickly regrouped with coffee and donuts and started to commence discussion of a recount of sorts.  Those inside agreed that bending to the whims of the outcry would benefit the Fantalogist community, and in turn, help the Senators secure their reelection bids in the future.  Unnamed sources close to the MN Senate would not confirm or disconfirm when or if this recount would happen.