Tag Archives: midwest

Advice: Complaining

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A Vikings’ Win when it counts turns Minnesotans into Captain Ahab, hunting his Moby Dick for all Eternity

“This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.” -T.S. Eliot

Last night, after the Minnesota Vikings got DESTROYED by the Philadelphia Eagles, I was flipping through channels on my rabbit ears and found the Gregory Peck film version of the classic American novel Moby-Dick. I found this story to be an apropos metaphor for all die-hard Vikings’ fans at the moment, and for eternity. We are all perpetually Captain Ahab looking for the majestic white whale (a Vikings’ Win when it counts), becoming dangerously obsessed, eventual that idea becomes our mental and physical downfall, to the point of mortal apathy. The game last night ended like the Pequod and it’s ill-fated crew: figuratively eviscerated in a vast ocean of literal Eagles fans and defeatist nostalgia. We, us Ahabs, may never get our Moby Dick–that one win to take our Purple Pride to the Superbowl, especially in our hometown (fuck). Ah, but we will all yell at our TVs, clench our fists, ask the whys and hows, and hope every season, as we scream, THAR SHE BLOWS! that this year will be the one in which we the Vikings will win!

BREAKING: Russian operatives hack Easter Sunday, little sister wins Easter egg hunt two years in a row

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A bunch of Easter eggs scattered on the ground, an American tradition Photo: Megan Spicer

In what has turned into worldwide contention, anonymous sources have confirmed for America mainstream news organizations that Russian operatives have officially hacked the results of the 2017 La Crescent, Minnesota family Easter egg hunt, siding the last born child.

The youngest of four siblings won a second year in a row, prompting an immediate recount, massive protests around the nation, and cries that she turn over the highly-demanded $20 from the golden egg–which this years was secretly hidden in a red plastic egg, by Russian operatives, rather than in the shining golden egg.

There has been no confirmation or dis-confirmation of these damning allegations by Russian sources, merely they responded by not responding because no questions were asked, per usual–which means theses assertions hold clout, obviously.  There is no legal reason why the youngest sibling should win 2 years in a row, the outcome is suspect.

US Bank Protesters did security detail a favor in preventing future protests, and perhaps something worse

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Photo Credit: Star Tribune

The #NODAPL Pipeline protests aside, the dangers of scaling a building notwithstanding, the planning, the disruptive behavior, all put in the peripherals; what the US Bank Pipeline really did was point out the glaring holes in security at US Bank Stadium, which is a good thing in protecting the venue from a potential future demonstrations with more devious intentions.

Perhaps, for creating this latent effect in infrastructure knowledge, a lesson of procedure, we can thank the protesters for offering an establishment something beneficial, aside from protesting the Pipeline and its alleged devastating affects to the surrounding environment. Perhaps these protesters did the beloved US Bank stadium a favor in a lesson of protection.

Now, to learn something, US Bank security team must perform more drastic, more mindful, and more aggressive searches and seizures of those entering the facility. Those who visit the stadium must be subjected to more rigorous and thorough searches in light of this event. And these are all good thing when looked at it from the point of view of making citizens safe.

Really, not only did the protesters protest. Not only did they enact a daring spectacle for the cameras and media, which of course went viral, these activists also pointed out the Achille’s Heel of a $975 M facility. Moreover, those in charge of the detail should take note, serious note. Because this time, it was a benign protest to protect the environment, and not much else.

In conclusion, I am no mountain climber—I have little understanding of the equipment need to pull off such a stunt, and I am no current protester. But in reflection of this innocuous deed of sneaking gear and signs and ideologies in could have been something far worse, something more nefarious than a message of local protest, and US Bank Stadium should take this minor feat seriously.

Wilderness Day – Quetico-Superior (Boundary Waters)

Hip Hop inspired by Pi Day

Language is Subjective; The Sound of Middle English (The Canterbury Tales)