Tag Archives: MN

New species of ancient shark discovered in Minnesota’s Driftless region of the upper Mississippi River, scientist said to have found via sonar technology imagery, possibly

megalodon-589dd3b93df78c4758898af9.jpgHouston County, Minn.–This week, in a shocking turn of events, in relation to subjective suggestive southern Minnesota marine biology, archaeologists have discovered a never-before-seen, nor described, fresh-water shark in the Driftless region of the upper Mississippi River valley call.

This so-called Mississippi Bluff Shark–cousin to the infamous megalodon super shark, is said to grow to up to 100-200 feet long, or more, and weigh an incredible 20 tons. It was found in the depths below lock and dam no. 7 near Dresbach, via sonar only, in its clandestine cavern, it’s natural habitat.000880a3-642

These elusive sharks have been thought to have lived in the area for the past 10 zillion years, undiscovered and undisturbed. They have never been discovered, disturbed, or discussed before this time, ever, until relatively recently, well… right now. Dr B. Lion explained.

Dr. B. Lion, the lead riverologist and archeologist for the Driftless Regions Upper Mississippi Environmental River Sect, or (DRUMERS), has absolutely concluded, from one single gray and black 2-D digital image, which lasted for about 3 seconds, that these sharks have existed here for long before humans, as this detailed image is proof. These sharks are probably real, and really old, perhaps!

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The DRUMERS’ latest discover rocks the Driftless region and marine biology of the upper Mississippi. The Mississippi Bluff Shark is considered prevalent and incredibly evasive and elusive, which makes them nearly impossible to see, ever, and no danger at all to river frequenters. Boaters, fisherpeoples, waterskiers and inner-tubers can rest assured they are in limited to almost zero danger, maybe.

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The sequel: Controversial art exhibit at Walker Art Center found to be controversial again, MPR reports

Photo of “controversial art” by MPR News

For the second time in less than a month The Walker Art Center is perhaps again exhibiting controversial art as per an MPR News interpretative report suggests.

This suspiciously odd and seemingly obvious revelation came early yesterday afternoon as more publicity of Walker Art exhit generated local ire and honed activists’ interest–related to said controversial art, and as real news stories slowed down and the weekend came closer. 

A fortnight ago, the infamous “Scaffolds” art instillation dominated the local news cycle, adorned with underwritten ads and emotional subjective language, which prompted a protest and a public deconstruction of the artwork– which essentially became performance art itself, as covered by the media. 

This new “controversy” over controversial art has spurred more invaluable press coverage of The Walker Art Center in local news circles, ostensibly generating more interest in this perhaps controversial art exhibit for weekend visitors. 

In a time when any publicity is good publicity–visibility has value–the idea of controversial art seems completely redudnant yet especially breaking news worthy to this local news media, apparently art has never been controversial before now, ever.  

Theoretically, at any other network, publicity like this would potentially cost considerable weight in advertisement revenues.  However, this controversial art seems to be getting much attention on its own through certain respective media.

Perhaps now we are living in a world where we have to be told our exact feelings or interpretations of art, and what is right and wrong and loved and loathed about said art, as clarified by local news media.

The next question is when will we make art museums and art institutions safe spaces, as to protect posterity from that art which might painfully offend art viewers. The art world needs more uniform standards as to avoid further controversy.

BREAKING: Russian operatives hack Easter Sunday, little sister wins Easter egg hunt two years in a row

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A bunch of Easter eggs scattered on the ground, an American tradition Photo: Megan Spicer

In what has turned into worldwide contention, anonymous sources have confirmed for America mainstream news organizations that Russian operatives have officially hacked the results of the 2017 La Crescent, Minnesota family Easter egg hunt, siding the last born child.

The youngest of four siblings won a second year in a row, prompting an immediate recount, massive protests around the nation, and cries that she turn over the highly-demanded $20 from the golden egg–which this years was secretly hidden in a red plastic egg, by Russian operatives, rather than in the shining golden egg.

There has been no confirmation or dis-confirmation of these damning allegations by Russian sources, merely they responded by not responding because no questions were asked, per usual–which means theses assertions hold clout, obviously.  There is no legal reason why the youngest sibling should win 2 years in a row, the outcome is suspect.

UPDATE: Real ID passes in Minnesota, to go to an immediate recount over outcry from career demonstrators concerned for real IDs of Fantalogists

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A security guard checking a questionable passport of some guy in a leather jacket at an airport somewhere. Photo by Nam Y. Huh, Associated Press

“The Minnesota Senate passed a bill late Thursday to bring the state into compliance with the federal Real ID law as a January 2018 deadline nears”, and moments later, predictably, thousands of career demonstrators gathered outside to protest the passing of the Real ID bill to protect the rights of a small group of Fantalogists living in fantasy world.

Under the new law real fake people, Fantalogists–those religiously living in imaginary fantasy world, would be required by law to change their real fake status–or change their fantasy status, to real person or real citizen.  This change would go against their fantastical real-fake principles said a completely reliable source and in-house resident of fantasy world.

What this new law does actually is cause people who do want to live in fantasy world much stress, it forces them to come into reality and get a card that states that… one anonymous impassioned and disruptive protester explained without listening.  This basically goes against everything we know, you can look at the facts, this literally goes against the religious rights of real fake people, therefore our First Amendment rights–this is a constitutional issue!!!

After the twilight outcry, the Minnesota Senate quickly regrouped with coffee and donuts and started to commence discussion of a recount of sorts.  Those inside agreed that bending to the whims of the outcry would benefit the Fantalogist community, and in turn, help the Senators secure their reelection bids in the future.  Unnamed sources close to the MN Senate would not confirm or disconfirm when or if this recount would happen.

US Bank Protesters did security detail a favor in preventing future protests, and perhaps something worse

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Photo Credit: Star Tribune

The #NODAPL Pipeline protests aside, the dangers of scaling a building notwithstanding, the planning, the disruptive behavior, all put in the peripherals; what the US Bank Pipeline really did was point out the glaring holes in security at US Bank Stadium, which is a good thing in protecting the venue from a potential future demonstrations with more devious intentions.

Perhaps, for creating this latent effect in infrastructure knowledge, a lesson of procedure, we can thank the protesters for offering an establishment something beneficial, aside from protesting the Pipeline and its alleged devastating affects to the surrounding environment. Perhaps these protesters did the beloved US Bank stadium a favor in a lesson of protection.

Now, to learn something, US Bank security team must perform more drastic, more mindful, and more aggressive searches and seizures of those entering the facility. Those who visit the stadium must be subjected to more rigorous and thorough searches in light of this event. And these are all good thing when looked at it from the point of view of making citizens safe.

Really, not only did the protesters protest. Not only did they enact a daring spectacle for the cameras and media, which of course went viral, these activists also pointed out the Achille’s Heel of a $975 M facility. Moreover, those in charge of the detail should take note, serious note. Because this time, it was a benign protest to protect the environment, and not much else.

In conclusion, I am no mountain climber—I have little understanding of the equipment need to pull off such a stunt, and I am no current protester. But in reflection of this innocuous deed of sneaking gear and signs and ideologies in could have been something far worse, something more nefarious than a message of local protest, and US Bank Stadium should take this minor feat seriously.

Viking Mind Games: Cardboard Cutout of Adrian Peterson to Play in Sundays Game against The Colts

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After a week of sexy salacious discussion as to if Vikings’ star running back, and interim Vikings’ sideline hype manager, Adrain Peterson, will play in Sundays game, there comes an unexpected answer.  Today, the answer has come from an unofficial Vikings’ spokesperson verifying that an actual cardboard cutout of Adrian Peterson will indeed play in Sundays game as a decoy, and not the real person Adrian Peterson.

This unusual strategy comes as no surprise at all to a team that must, and will do anything to win and ascend to the Superbowl spectacle in January. “[You] see, the more we talk about him (Adrain Peterson) playing, or not playing, in Sunday’s game, the more it throws off the other team’s game plan off,” said the unofficial Vikings’ spokesperson and anonymous source, “it only makes sense that the Vikings would resort to such a tactic so late in the season [having not had superstars Peterson or Bridgewater.].

Naturally, this sort of move is not the first time we have seen a secretive ploy get the Vikings ahead in their league, for instance, in the first few weeks of the season a similar situation happened with highly anticipated Teddy Bridgewater; with a head coach switch-a-roo (which is still being carried out today), emergency eye surgery that no one saw coming, and with a kicker’s identity change mid-season, Walsh is still known by a new moniker, Forbath.  Ok Chris Gaines, we know you are Garth Brooks.  Needless to say, The Bridgewater Bluff fooled even the best of NFL insiders, obviously, and it also paid dividends to the Vikings’ scoreboard.  But the scheme could not last long, the wins started to stop.

And to summarize, that is why the cardboard cutout of Peterson is absolute genius for throwing an opposing team off their game and giving The Minnesota Vikings the edge they need to come out ahead; however, this strategy may only work for one game, as the other team may catch on to the cardboard cutout Peterson rouse somewhat easily.  Yet, like politics if you keep talking about it as if it so, then of course it is so for many–especially the other team.  So, be ready fantasy football people, AP’s four points may just turn to zero, or a million points for the Purple and Gold, as one cannot draft a cardboard cutout.  However it remains to be seen if another Viking’s mind game will bring another solid “W” with the idea of a paper tiger, or if they will just get pulped and recycled.

Online Petitions (as Pennies in a Wishing Well)

“Everything that is beautiful and noble is a product of reason and calculation.” -Charles Baudelaire

St Paul, MN- In my opinion, petitioning everything we find disagreeable on the internet, that takes place in the United States of America, is like posting a new status on Facebook, or any other social media platform, it becomes useless.  To me, this action does very little, because those forums are monitored and controlled, like throwing a penny into a wishing well–it takes the intention out of the actor’s perception, it takes the accountability out of the petitioner’s (wisher’s) hands and puts the issue in a free fall of liquidity, placing the issue on something larger and misunderstood.  I guess I miss the reason, intention, and calculation of speaking to deaf ears.

Petitioning so visibly against matters on social media creates the same sort of sentiment that one sees when one throws a penny into a wishing well. The shiny object, the cent, goes away from our observation and into certain darkness.  The viewer of this spectacle finds that the actor in this setting has hope, has promise, has a wish with meaning. The penny falls and that is that. There is that nugget of hope left at the bottom of a wishing well. Accordingly, the petition is sent out, put forth, and left on the interwebs away from those with the ability to make change, and there it sits.  (I will attest that these petitions seem a spectacle for the mainstream media to make pennies off of as well, generating a story, while stoking a teasing interest.)

In relation to this metaphor, I aver we do something different for change, instead of a spectacle for others, we create a spectacle for ourselves.  Instead of casting a penny away, as an idea, or as a concern for a concept by writing or signing a petition, that may or may not get seen by eyes with authority and the ability to create change, one must, perhaps, write legislature, or run for office themselves; make the change they desire by becoming this change. Create the change you want by following your wishes or petitions to the top, to the office you aspire to. So often ideas become clouded by group-think and the initial principal becomes diluted, creating very little change.  With an individual seeing this principal through to fruition, those outside forces may be hampered.

The real matter at hand with petitions and pennies, perhaps, may be the level of accountability the person doing the signing, or throwing, or writing cares to do and be responsible for. We sign things all the time, this act is commonplace autonomous. I sign for coffee, I sign for sandwiches, I sign for others, I sign for packages, and I sign for beer. You do too!  How is this any different in a serious way, signing for something that is entirely important or unimportant to me? (Is changing the system important to you?  And how important?)  I find in order for change it must be a step above that kind of signing, a bit more convoluted, this giving up autonomy and comfort for belief.

Signing a petition on the internet for something you believe wholeheartedly may feel good.  You may feel you have done your part, but what part? Does this signing lack fervor though?  And how much will that well-meant signature do? To make change there must be the same amount of initiative or action or motivation as in the thought that caused it. Putting a status update on social media takes a few clicks, signing your signature is a swipe of the wrist–conditioning at this point–perhaps, neither of these actions are revolutionary (singularly alone). With them, there is only a wish and an idea thrown away, as the penny in the wishing well.  So how important is your status update or your signature for petitioning change in comparison to every other one placed in a universe of texts and signatures?

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On the video at the top of this essay, and the “Faithless Elector” movement (I didn’t watch it, the thumbnail was nice.  So I used it.) Further, we knew about the electoral college and how it worked many years ago, perhaps it is as old as the American republic.  I will cite, as John C. Dvorak of the No Agenda Podcast pointed out, where some of the inspiration for my piece comes, and I paraphrase–I hope I do justice, change the system, change the law!  Again, I paraphrase, but the gist is there.  Change the way we do things, the system, and change the law.  Hear more from him at No Agenda Podcast.  And if you perceive me wrong, I guess I am witnessing the forest for the trees, I am missing their timber.  Change may take more effort than an online trend, spectacle, or people holding well-made signs.