Tag Archives: MN

A Vikings’ Win when it counts turns Minnesotans into Captain Ahab, hunting his Moby Dick for all Eternity

“This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.” -T.S. Eliot

Last night, after the Minnesota Vikings got DESTROYED by the Philadelphia Eagles, I was flipping through channels on my rabbit ears and found the Gregory Peck film version of the classic American novel Moby-Dick. I found this story to be an apropos metaphor for all die-hard Vikings’ fans at the moment, and for eternity. We are all perpetually Captain Ahab looking for the majestic white whale (a Vikings’ Win when it counts), becoming dangerously obsessed, eventual that idea becomes our mental and physical downfall, to the point of mortal apathy. The game last night ended like the Pequod and it’s ill-fated crew: figuratively eviscerated in a vast ocean of literal Eagles fans and defeatist nostalgia. We, us Ahabs, may never get our Moby Dick–that one win to take our Purple Pride to the Superbowl, especially in our hometown (fuck). Ah, but we will all yell at our TVs, clench our fists, ask the whys and hows, and hope every season, as we scream, THAR SHE BLOWS! that this year will be the one in which we the Vikings will win!


I washed my car yesterday in 40 degree Minnesota cold and then I ate some Ramen Noodles, it cost me nothing and saved me a lot more


Even notice how a boat with a few holes in it sinks over time and it becomes more worrisome the farther you are from land? I do. Now place this image of a boat sinking on your financial situation. You lose a dollar here, ten over there, $2.50 on that one thing; the boat is your bank account. That boat is sinking slowly and you are out to see, sharks, such as creditors, banks, and lenders are following in the murky deep. We almost sank again, but this time I told my wife instead of paying for a car wash I would do it myself. Watch.

Yesterday day came and went with a car wash in the 40 degree Fahrenheit warm of St Paul, Minnesota. I think people looked at me as though I were crazy, carrying buckets from my basement to splash and lather a car I cannot afford on a side street. Yeah, I feel pretty dumb leasing it, though the lease is up in less than 20 months and we will be on to something new. The whole time I polished this machine I thought of how stupid it made me feel, to live beyond my means. People watched that spectacle, another Subaru driver waved, my neighbor sold a beater and asked me how my day was. Great! Beautiful day!

And that is why I eat Maruchan ramen noodles and rice. (With a price tag of under $5 for a number of meals I can consider myself winning.) SO, imagine now your boat sinking, money floating away, those sharks behind, empty fridge at home, wife wondering what is going to happen, and then $10 is about to go away for a car wash that leaves you wanting better. Yeah, and that car is parked in the garage losing value, begging for insurance to be paid–the expensive kind. I can get a bit cold and wet outside on such a nice day, save us money, buy us time. My debt snowball is about to be rolling, debt avalanche.

After all this, I learned something. If you can’t get creative and do it yourself, it ain’t worth doing. And if your food restrictions do not work with your frugality or goals towards financial fitness, you may need to think about your goals. Because, how I see it, you can either be gluten free or debt free, I know the gluten is asking me to buy their beach house on credit, but that’s just my opinion.  That beach house is where those debt institutions are watching your boat sink slowly from afar, thinking about monetizing your financial death on YouTube (which is another story), so they can earn more.

New species of ancient shark discovered in Minnesota’s Driftless region of the upper Mississippi River, scientist said to have found via sonar technology imagery, possibly

megalodon-589dd3b93df78c4758898af9.jpgHouston County, Minn.–This week, in a shocking turn of events, in relation to subjective suggestive southern Minnesota marine biology, archaeologists have discovered a never-before-seen, nor described, fresh-water shark in the Driftless region of the upper Mississippi River valley call.

This so-called Mississippi Bluff Shark–cousin to the infamous megalodon super shark, is said to grow to up to 100-200 feet long, or more, and weigh an incredible 20 tons. It was found in the depths below lock and dam no. 7 near Dresbach, via sonar only, in its clandestine cavern, it’s natural habitat.000880a3-642

These elusive sharks have been thought to have lived in the area for the past 10 zillion years, undiscovered and undisturbed. They have never been discovered, disturbed, or discussed before this time, ever, until relatively recently, well… right now. Dr B. Lion explained.

Dr. B. Lion, the lead riverologist and archeologist for the Driftless Regions Upper Mississippi Environmental River Sect, or (DRUMERS), has absolutely concluded, from one single gray and black 2-D digital image, which lasted for about 3 seconds, that these sharks have existed here for long before humans, as this detailed image is proof. These sharks are probably real, and really old, perhaps!


The DRUMERS’ latest discover rocks the Driftless region and marine biology of the upper Mississippi. The Mississippi Bluff Shark is considered prevalent and incredibly evasive and elusive, which makes them nearly impossible to see, ever, and no danger at all to river frequenters. Boaters, fisherpeoples, waterskiers and inner-tubers can rest assured they are in limited to almost zero danger, maybe.

The sequel: Controversial art exhibit at Walker Art Center found to be controversial again, MPR reports

Photo of “controversial art” by MPR News

For the second time in less than a month The Walker Art Center is perhaps again exhibiting controversial art as per an MPR News interpretative report suggests.

This suspiciously odd and seemingly obvious revelation came early yesterday afternoon as more publicity of Walker Art exhit generated local ire and honed activists’ interest–related to said controversial art, and as real news stories slowed down and the weekend came closer. 

A fortnight ago, the infamous “Scaffolds” art instillation dominated the local news cycle, adorned with underwritten ads and emotional subjective language, which prompted a protest and a public deconstruction of the artwork– which essentially became performance art itself, as covered by the media. 

This new “controversy” over controversial art has spurred more invaluable press coverage of The Walker Art Center in local news circles, ostensibly generating more interest in this perhaps controversial art exhibit for weekend visitors. 

In a time when any publicity is good publicity–visibility has value–the idea of controversial art seems completely redudnant yet especially breaking news worthy to this local news media, apparently art has never been controversial before now, ever.  

Theoretically, at any other network, publicity like this would potentially cost considerable weight in advertisement revenues.  However, this controversial art seems to be getting much attention on its own through certain respective media.

Perhaps now we are living in a world where we have to be told our exact feelings or interpretations of art, and what is right and wrong and loved and loathed about said art, as clarified by local news media.

The next question is when will we make art museums and art institutions safe spaces, as to protect posterity from that art which might painfully offend art viewers. The art world needs more uniform standards as to avoid further controversy.

BREAKING: Russian operatives hack Easter Sunday, little sister wins Easter egg hunt two years in a row


A bunch of Easter eggs scattered on the ground, an American tradition Photo: Megan Spicer

In what has turned into worldwide contention, anonymous sources have confirmed for America mainstream news organizations that Russian operatives have officially hacked the results of the 2017 La Crescent, Minnesota family Easter egg hunt, siding the last born child.

The youngest of four siblings won a second year in a row, prompting an immediate recount, massive protests around the nation, and cries that she turn over the highly-demanded $20 from the golden egg–which this years was secretly hidden in a red plastic egg, by Russian operatives, rather than in the shining golden egg.

There has been no confirmation or dis-confirmation of these damning allegations by Russian sources, merely they responded by not responding because no questions were asked, per usual–which means theses assertions hold clout, obviously.  There is no legal reason why the youngest sibling should win 2 years in a row, the outcome is suspect.

UPDATE: Real ID passes in Minnesota, to go to an immediate recount over outcry from career demonstrators concerned for real IDs of Fantalogists


A security guard checking a questionable passport of some guy in a leather jacket at an airport somewhere. Photo by Nam Y. Huh, Associated Press

“The Minnesota Senate passed a bill late Thursday to bring the state into compliance with the federal Real ID law as a January 2018 deadline nears”, and moments later, predictably, thousands of career demonstrators gathered outside to protest the passing of the Real ID bill to protect the rights of a small group of Fantalogists living in fantasy world.

Under the new law real fake people, Fantalogists–those religiously living in imaginary fantasy world, would be required by law to change their real fake status–or change their fantasy status, to real person or real citizen.  This change would go against their fantastical real-fake principles said a completely reliable source and in-house resident of fantasy world.

What this new law does actually is cause people who do want to live in fantasy world much stress, it forces them to come into reality and get a card that states that… one anonymous impassioned and disruptive protester explained without listening.  This basically goes against everything we know, you can look at the facts, this literally goes against the religious rights of real fake people, therefore our First Amendment rights–this is a constitutional issue!!!

After the twilight outcry, the Minnesota Senate quickly regrouped with coffee and donuts and started to commence discussion of a recount of sorts.  Those inside agreed that bending to the whims of the outcry would benefit the Fantalogist community, and in turn, help the Senators secure their reelection bids in the future.  Unnamed sources close to the MN Senate would not confirm or disconfirm when or if this recount would happen.

US Bank Protesters did security detail a favor in preventing future protests, and perhaps something worse


Photo Credit: Star Tribune

The #NODAPL Pipeline protests aside, the dangers of scaling a building notwithstanding, the planning, the disruptive behavior, all put in the peripherals; what the US Bank Pipeline really did was point out the glaring holes in security at US Bank Stadium, which is a good thing in protecting the venue from a potential future demonstrations with more devious intentions.

Perhaps, for creating this latent effect in infrastructure knowledge, a lesson of procedure, we can thank the protesters for offering an establishment something beneficial, aside from protesting the Pipeline and its alleged devastating affects to the surrounding environment. Perhaps these protesters did the beloved US Bank stadium a favor in a lesson of protection.

Now, to learn something, US Bank security team must perform more drastic, more mindful, and more aggressive searches and seizures of those entering the facility. Those who visit the stadium must be subjected to more rigorous and thorough searches in light of this event. And these are all good thing when looked at it from the point of view of making citizens safe.

Really, not only did the protesters protest. Not only did they enact a daring spectacle for the cameras and media, which of course went viral, these activists also pointed out the Achille’s Heel of a $975 M facility. Moreover, those in charge of the detail should take note, serious note. Because this time, it was a benign protest to protect the environment, and not much else.

In conclusion, I am no mountain climber—I have little understanding of the equipment need to pull off such a stunt, and I am no current protester. But in reflection of this innocuous deed of sneaking gear and signs and ideologies in could have been something far worse, something more nefarious than a message of local protest, and US Bank Stadium should take this minor feat seriously.