Tag Archives: msm

Newly adopted rescue dog thwarts suspected armed robbery; assailants disarmed and dislegged by “Fluffy” still at large

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“Fluffy” rescue dog who purportedly saved family from would-be robbers

Frogtown USA– In what seems to be an ironic and tragic series of events, authorities have responded to a gruesome scene in what could only be described as an armed robbery gone incredibly and horribly wrong.

At the shocking scene bloody body parts lay strewn at what could have been an armed robbery only thwarted by the new family companion, pictured above, a dog named Fluffy, a newly adopted rescue animal.  No victims were harmed, no property stolen, and only the suspected criminals were left scathed.

After the failed heist, intervened by “Fluffy” the Rogers’ beloved newly adopted rescue dog, assailants made away not on foot, bleeding profusely from badly torn orifices, crying in agonizing pain, from deep and infected canine bite wounds.

In lieu of these blessed and terrifying events, the Frogtown detectives have issued an all points bulletin for the general public to be on the look out for two men in shredded ski masks missing arms and legs and most likely suffering from extreme blood loss.

[The] Body parts have been removed from the scene and been logged into the Frogtown criminal investigations headquarters as evidence of this epic failure of an attempted armed robbery.  Authorities are tirelessly trying to match arms and legs to at large assailants via DNA analysis.

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Fake new about fake news found to be fake news about fake news because of fake news and fake news

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the words “Fake news” printed on a fake typewriter graphic Adweek

In a shocking revelation yesterday an unnamed mainstream media source found that a story about fake news found to be fake news was fake news because of fake news and no one seemed to care.

Unbelievably the mainstream media source did nothing about the compromise of information, not going back on their sponsors promise, not pulling the fake news story.

The ads were in place, the story had to fill the page… one unidentified marketing sales manager at the publication explained, These papers are full of advertisements, they are paid for, they must be seen by a specific demographic…

This discovery of fake news is only one in a veritable rash of papers, the mainstream media seem to be just printing fake news for news when there is no real news simply to carry marketing spots, nothing objective to break for readers to think on.

Such an uncovering has shocked the news industry–and this problem goes back decades–as it limits trust and shows that stories are less important than underwriters and advertiser money. The readers suffer, and we can blame the decline on fake news…

We can only hope at point the news media goes back to what made them important, objective reporting, putting advertisements and sales in the background.  However, in a world where shock sells we can expect to see more and more fake news.

BREAKING: Russia hacks Netflix’s House of Cards 5th season 2016 election says Assange, Underwood concedes to Conway in landslide upset

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President Underwood after his massive defeat to opponent Will Conway.  Source

In what turned out to be a shock that could only be something that is not really actually stranger than fiction, while watching Netflix’s House of Card 5th season the world realized that Russia also hacked the election in favor of Will Conway over Francis Underwood in the 2016 election, said Julian Assange.

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Julian Assange physically in disbelief with his hands spread wide over the Underwood defeat.  RT

In the extremely highly anticipated unbelievable inscrutable 5th season of House of Cards, the intense 2016 election was also hacked by Russia operatives and hackers out to destroy the election hopes of democratic nominee Francis J. Underwood, which is facutally tied to the Trump campaign.

The Will Conway victory came as a utter surprise to even Will Conway himself, as he poured his orange juice, readied for the day, and stretched out for a run he could not believe that he was set to win the hotly debated muchly contested presidential campaign trail, followed up by this closely watched election conclusion.

Ostensibly, when asked for a comment about Netflix’s new season of House of Cards, released May 30th on Netflix, unidentified, potentially high-level Russian informants gave no comment as to if they did have a hand in the election, or if they did not have a hand in the

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President Trump explaining how he actually didn’t have a part in this.

Underwood/Conway election, unknown and unreliable sources have passionately confirmed.

Accordingly, a proverbial “witch hunt” is in store for the next 4 years, not as a distraction for the entire nation, but as an opportunity to prove that even though Underwood lost, he was and still is the right person for the job, and in some miraculous way there is still hope that a time machine may be invented to go back in time and remedy this err, for all humanities sake.

Underwood is slated to contest the election results for the foreseeable future, taking trips across the nation to subliminally slander and disparage Conway in all of his attempts to run his office proper, this will be a new opportunity for the much beloved Francis Underwood to get his campaign machine geared up for the next election cycle in House of Cards season 8.

Reading Facebook and CNN regularly for a year found equal to attaining a political science doctorate, one study proves

St Paul, MN– In a recent unsubstantiated report put out by AP (Ambiguous Press) a single covert unobtrusive research study has found that reading Facebook or CNN at least twice daily, perhaps, is actually equal to attaining a political science doctorate from an accredited University.

This astonishing fact, perhaps, has come out at a time when your friends on Facebook may know just about everything there is to know about politics and science from simply reading a headline published by CNN and create an elaborate and accurate theory or law in a matter of moments in a status update or a rudimentary comment, breakthroughs that change the world.

Sir Richard B’hole, the leading scientist on the study, and famous Antarctic big game hunter, expressed these findings proves that our brains work faster than they ever have before, people are more certain in their beliefs and that is all that matters.  Sir B’hole went on to say that it’s amazing that we can learn so much from so little.  

Although the AP reported study has been published and went viral on Facebook and throughout social media venues unquestioned, it is merely one single scientific study, meaning that it still has to be tested countless other times and produce the same result, and then go on to be peer reviewed, this, to even be close to considered factually or realistically relevant.  To that B’hole said, we are on to something here, we live in a very intelligent time… very interesting.

BREAKING: Russian operatives hack Easter Sunday, little sister wins Easter egg hunt two years in a row

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A bunch of Easter eggs scattered on the ground, an American tradition Photo: Megan Spicer

In what has turned into worldwide contention, anonymous sources have confirmed for America mainstream news organizations that Russian operatives have officially hacked the results of the 2017 La Crescent, Minnesota family Easter egg hunt, siding the last born child.

The youngest of four siblings won a second year in a row, prompting an immediate recount, massive protests around the nation, and cries that she turn over the highly-demanded $20 from the golden egg–which this years was secretly hidden in a red plastic egg, by Russian operatives, rather than in the shining golden egg.

There has been no confirmation or dis-confirmation of these damning allegations by Russian sources, merely they responded by not responding because no questions were asked, per usual–which means theses assertions hold clout, obviously.  There is no legal reason why the youngest sibling should win 2 years in a row, the outcome is suspect.

April the giraffe gives birth to computer generated baby giraffe in staged event on Facebook, anonymous sources admit

About 9:50 a.m. ET, April the giraffe, whose privacy rights violation pregnancy captivated thousands, gave birth to a computer generated baby calf at Animal Adventure Park in Harpursville, N.Y.  Five minutes later, it was announced to deaf eared masses that the event was in fact staged.

The computer generated baby calf squirted out and splayed on the ground before standing up and disappearing into a green screen, its mother nuzzling the newborn CGI calf exactly as the director had directed, yelling cut. At the time of the birth, about 1.2 million people watched live on YouTube and nearly 750K watched from the zoo’s Facebook page.

The advertising revenues earned from this elaborately staged event was nothing short of a European diamond heist, and those watching will be none the wiser if it is real or not real. People are more concerned with the happy thoughts of seeing a baby giraffe born in real-time on Facebook, when contrasted with fear and war and division.

This distraction is wonderful fodder and gives people a warm fuzzy feeling, making them unwilling to question the time spent watching this “real” event, when actually it was staged in such a fashion that no one could see the truth, only advertisers.

We had to come out and say it, an anonymous highly-regarded spokesperson said, we felt bad about hosing people about this event since February… We thought it was going to be a bit more obvious considering the perfect timing of the birth, Saturday, in the morning, while people are checking their phones… But is seems no one got it. 

Minnesota man to consider $5 donation during next MPR membership drive if he reads one positive unbiased article about Trump, published by the mainstream news organization

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President of the United States of America pointing across a room at an unknown person, one positive article to garner $5 donation to MPR from local man. Photo by Getty

Reports broke Tuesday that local Minnesota man, who happens to be a millennial, a college grad, and a recent republican voter–although no party affiliation at this time could be confirmed, to consider donating $5 to next MPR membership drive if they write one positive unbiased article about president Donald Trump.

This incredible news came to a slough of jeers, guffaws, and mumbles from friends, colleagues, and family who happened to be unflinching MPR supporters.  Their reaction was to vehemently detest the idea that MPR as an organization could be biased in anyway towards anyone with differing ideas always–those not of the Progressive-Democratic ilk.

Though, these reports are wholly unconfirmed and unverified, the local male will be watching reports and reading articles ever closely looking for any indication that objective reporting exists in the state of Minnesota, and as he suggested, if he finds this to be the case he will consider contributing his $5 donation and become a highly member.  We all wait with bated breath.