Tag Archives: NFL

Aaron Rodgers potentially Traded to State Farm off of Injured Reserve, New Revealing Video Evidence Suggests

After being put on injured reserve (IR) last season, Aaron Rodgers tenure with the Packers was put in limbo. Now, after appearing in numerous State Farm commercials Rodgers’ fate with the Green Bay Packers is rumored to be incredibly uncertain at best and at worst not impacted at all.

This potential bombshell of an assumption will come as a shock and surprise to die-hard Cheeseheads across some very small portions of the country. This fake news is downright unbelievable, unaccountable, and lacking any credibility whatsoever. This article is pure satire, but no one will read this far into it because: modern times/no one reads.

Rodgers was contacted in the future for a prophetic statement but could not answer because he was not actually contacted in the future for a statement because this article is only satire, and every just assumes the headlines are “facts”.

Amid swirling rumors and speculation and video evidence, in the form of a State Farm commercial, Rodgers solidified his trade to State Farm potentially–possibly signalling that he will be leaving for another team, or maybe he won’t.  But there is video proof in the form of a video to prove this narrative.

The Green Bay Packers will never be the same successful team they once were because their team relies so heavily on one player. It will be truly sad to see him go to State Farm to film another commercial for the football season, but if you are good at something, or one thing, you have to stick to it.

Advertisements

A Vikings’ Win when it counts turns Minnesotans into Captain Ahab, hunting his Moby Dick for all Eternity

“This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.” -T.S. Eliot

Last night, after the Minnesota Vikings got DESTROYED by the Philadelphia Eagles, I was flipping through channels on my rabbit ears and found the Gregory Peck film version of the classic American novel Moby-Dick. I found this story to be an apropos metaphor for all die-hard Vikings’ fans at the moment, and for eternity. We are all perpetually Captain Ahab looking for the majestic white whale (a Vikings’ Win when it counts), becoming dangerously obsessed, eventual that idea becomes our mental and physical downfall, to the point of mortal apathy. The game last night ended like the Pequod and it’s ill-fated crew: figuratively eviscerated in a vast ocean of literal Eagles fans and defeatist nostalgia. We, us Ahabs, may never get our Moby Dick–that one win to take our Purple Pride to the Superbowl, especially in our hometown (fuck). Ah, but we will all yell at our TVs, clench our fists, ask the whys and hows, and hope every season, as we scream, THAR SHE BLOWS! that this year will be the one in which we the Vikings will win!

US Bank Protesters did security detail a favor in preventing future protests, and perhaps something worse

08_1002779432_04cgvike010217_43207888

Photo Credit: Star Tribune

The #NODAPL Pipeline protests aside, the dangers of scaling a building notwithstanding, the planning, the disruptive behavior, all put in the peripherals; what the US Bank Pipeline really did was point out the glaring holes in security at US Bank Stadium, which is a good thing in protecting the venue from a potential future demonstrations with more devious intentions.

Perhaps, for creating this latent effect in infrastructure knowledge, a lesson of procedure, we can thank the protesters for offering an establishment something beneficial, aside from protesting the Pipeline and its alleged devastating affects to the surrounding environment. Perhaps these protesters did the beloved US Bank stadium a favor in a lesson of protection.

Now, to learn something, US Bank security team must perform more drastic, more mindful, and more aggressive searches and seizures of those entering the facility. Those who visit the stadium must be subjected to more rigorous and thorough searches in light of this event. And these are all good thing when looked at it from the point of view of making citizens safe.

Really, not only did the protesters protest. Not only did they enact a daring spectacle for the cameras and media, which of course went viral, these activists also pointed out the Achille’s Heel of a $975 M facility. Moreover, those in charge of the detail should take note, serious note. Because this time, it was a benign protest to protect the environment, and not much else.

In conclusion, I am no mountain climber—I have little understanding of the equipment need to pull off such a stunt, and I am no current protester. But in reflection of this innocuous deed of sneaking gear and signs and ideologies in could have been something far worse, something more nefarious than a message of local protest, and US Bank Stadium should take this minor feat seriously.

Viking Mind Games: Cardboard Cutout of Adrian Peterson to Play in Sundays Game against The Colts

r163520_576x324_16-9.jpg

After a week of sexy salacious discussion as to if Vikings’ star running back, and interim Vikings’ sideline hype manager, Adrain Peterson, will play in Sundays game, there comes an unexpected answer.  Today, the answer has come from an unofficial Vikings’ spokesperson verifying that an actual cardboard cutout of Adrian Peterson will indeed play in Sundays game as a decoy, and not the real person Adrian Peterson.

This unusual strategy comes as no surprise at all to a team that must, and will do anything to win and ascend to the Superbowl spectacle in January. “[You] see, the more we talk about him (Adrain Peterson) playing, or not playing, in Sunday’s game, the more it throws off the other team’s game plan off,” said the unofficial Vikings’ spokesperson and anonymous source, “it only makes sense that the Vikings would resort to such a tactic so late in the season [having not had superstars Peterson or Bridgewater.].

Naturally, this sort of move is not the first time we have seen a secretive ploy get the Vikings ahead in their league, for instance, in the first few weeks of the season a similar situation happened with highly anticipated Teddy Bridgewater; with a head coach switch-a-roo (which is still being carried out today), emergency eye surgery that no one saw coming, and with a kicker’s identity change mid-season, Walsh is still known by a new moniker, Forbath.  Ok Chris Gaines, we know you are Garth Brooks.  Needless to say, The Bridgewater Bluff fooled even the best of NFL insiders, obviously, and it also paid dividends to the Vikings’ scoreboard.  But the scheme could not last long, the wins started to stop.

And to summarize, that is why the cardboard cutout of Peterson is absolute genius for throwing an opposing team off their game and giving The Minnesota Vikings the edge they need to come out ahead; however, this strategy may only work for one game, as the other team may catch on to the cardboard cutout Peterson rouse somewhat easily.  Yet, like politics if you keep talking about it as if it so, then of course it is so for many–especially the other team.  So, be ready fantasy football people, AP’s four points may just turn to zero, or a million points for the Purple and Gold, as one cannot draft a cardboard cutout.  However it remains to be seen if another Viking’s mind game will bring another solid “W” with the idea of a paper tiger, or if they will just get pulped and recycled.

The Cost of a Tiger; Katy Perry’s Halftime Show Tiger Vs. Actual Endangered Tiger

After viewing what money can buy during the Super Bowl halftime show (and the Super Bowl proper), I thought I would do a relevant comparison of some topics brought to light in between the shit-commericals, mediocre football game, and closely guarded non-nipple slip action shots.

What I saw, and didn’t see, made me think.  I thought about tigers (wild animals) and how they had been neglected, and even endangered.  They were exploited further here, in the midst of the most important game in the world (not factually sound), led out in the middle of a packed stadium, shackled and chained to a fleeting pop star, Katy Perry.

What I learned from this little research project might not shock you at all.  In fact, it may be boring as hell (if not astonishing -in relation to our wastefulness and neglect for wildlife).  But at least I thought about endangered species, specifically tigers.  What did you do tonight?  Here is the evidence for you to assess:  ss-150202-super-bowl-halftime-02.nbcnews-ux-1280-900

“That Super Bowl halftime show? Pop star Katy Perry won’t pay to play the Super Bowl this year – and she won’t be paid either. The NFL will, however, pick up the tab for the cost of producing the show, thought to be in the millions.”

Forbes-Salaries, Ads & Security: What’s The Real Cost Of Super Bowl XLIX?

image_35-300x199

“Tiger range countries are already devoting considerable resources to wildlife conservation and some are planning to do even more. Total incremental costs to achieve the goal of doubling wild tiger populations are currently being estimated but are likely in the range of $100-200 million per year to be financed from national and international sources.”

Bagheera An Education Website About Endangered Species and the Efforts to Save Them

Save the tigers, stop allowing subpar pop stars to straddle them for the whole world to see.  Start today, it’s your play call.

What do we “know” about Adrian Peterson?

GTY_adrian_peterson_jt_140914_16x9_992

ABC News: Minnesota Vikings Reverse Course, Suspend Adrian Peterson

In the early hours of the morning there was a surprise which took place in Viking’s Territory, or possibly New Jersey- wherever Zygi Wilf claimed as his at the time. Part of that surprise was Adrian Peterson, not surprisingly, being taken off of the Viking’s roster for Sunday’s game. The more surprising bit of information came from a mega organization making quick decisions, reversing said decision, on account of fiscal security, and what seems nothing more.

I wonder, is the child okay? Where is the child now? I hear AP is off the team, sponsors are dropping like flies, but little mention of anything else, except… there is more to come.

We sit here today, with our fantasy teams in disarray. My fantasy lifeblood has run out. This musical chairs game (with players) has me scrolling webpages for something more, for something better. Why do I do this? Because money makes me, even though I have little (well, all Minnesota taxpayer’s have stake in the new Viking’s stadium) invested in the actual game. This is a story about child abuse, due process, and motives of discussion, not a star player or his situation, mostly.

What has become apparent is we “know” what we believe we “know”, not what is objectively true. This is called interpretation. See: Post-Structuralism; and the Modern Episteme. We interpret from “reliable media sources” what we think we “know”. What we really “know” to be true about this matter is: child abuse is unacceptable and wrong, we are not judge or jury or executioner, American citizens are innocent until proven guilty, and we personally don’t “know” Adrian Peterson as a person at all. Sure, we cheer for him on Sundays to win for our “favorite” team (which every partially-sane politician in Minnesota seeking office has regurgitated in the last week, to ad nauseam), but we don’t “know” him know him.

We can all rest easy “knowing” that we won’t actually be embarrassed for what another person does, even if they are from Minnesota i.e. Michelle Bachmann. We can rest easy because we actually don’t “know” what happened, and WE won’t be guilty of said crimes- if it actually occurred in the first place; which it may or may not have: it’s 50/50 so far, in fairness.

Furthermore, I am moderately embarrassed about the latter person, who says the most hateful things of the president and his organization. I guess I am sort of not embarrassed; she doesn’t owe me anything, and if I hear something stupid coming from her I can change the channel, same as with the former, likewise the actions of both parties. I can ignore those. I am not an escapist, just a selective-perceptionist.

What we “know” is that we all have choices. We can choose to label Peterson whatever we want, and Michelle Bachmann whatever we want, and more. Adrian Peterson can choose to make poor decisions. The beauty of being a human being is we have the power to choose, like professional athletes and politicians, everyone makes mistakes (I am not an Adrian Peterson apologist either). We can make up our minds. Unlike other cases that are ongoing now, Ray Rice, we have no video proof (we do have photos; photo-shop pending), we have no agency over the matter, and we have no lot in what becomes of him or her. We have nothing to choose on. We can all agree that abuse is wrong. But we can’t really do anything else until we “know” more. Perhaps events transpire. Child abuse is wrong, but so is labeling a person as guilty when they may or may not be.
I mean, who actually decides that, passes down the conviction, and does the sentencing? Does this media attention skew the fairness of the trial?

I was watching the Crucible last night and realized that if a crazy person, or crazy organizations, or massively crazy corporations, or insane groups of people says anything about anyone, and agrees on it, it is dangerous. We all “know” what happened to Winona Ryder at the end of that movie. Damn…

What this actually boils down to is my fantasy football team. This whole ordeal with Adrian Peterson was the Providence of God (I use this in the John Winthrop-esque way). I had never played fantasy football before, while Adrian had been a spotless star, with a promising career. This all changed after I drafted him onto my fantasy team, everything changed. The first Sunday he would play for me, he would move up the field with tepid charisma, something had affected his ability. I watched myself sink into last place in standings, everyone laughed. I thought what could this be? And then, mid-week, it came to me via one of my ten-thousand checks of the ESPN fantasy page, it was all over my cellphone, and had become the hot button topic on Facebook: Adrian was indicted on these alleged abuses. I rest my case. Does anyone know what alleged means? It means: “(of an incident or a person) said, without proof, to have taken place or to have a specified illegal or undesirable quality.”

The aspect of football that proves scary in this case is the amount of money the owners and commissioners are willing to move and secure at any time, in any event; if shit goes bad for them personally. It’s not about the fans, but the money, the face value. They will forget their favorite players to save their financial situation; last week’s hero is today’s forgotten and exiled. Has anyone thought of the external cost of the NFL as a whole? Can we point fingers to how many concussed veteran athletes assaulted their loved ones due to trauma caused in career related injuries? I am not sure, I don’t know-

What I hear more about than anything in this case is lost sponsorships, not the kids, but the money. I think of Lance Armstrong finally admitting, well- not really, that he was doping… Gatorade dropped him, Livestrong dropped him. This is not unlike AP losing sponsors such as Nike (sort of), and the Viking’s losing Radisson Hotels, seriously. Pundits are asking- wondering, who will pay for naming rights to the new Viking’s stadium (besides the taxpayers that is), I am wondering are the kids all right? That is the highlight of this conversation: money. Who will pay the money? They want this person, labeled now a “child abuser” as far away from the Vikings franchise as possible. When we look back a month or so, or even a few days, where do we stand? How fickle are we to believe everything we hear?

What we do “know” is that we don’t “know” anything. These allegations could be frivolous and without warrant, they could be fact with proof positive. They could be fabricated by an ex-lover, put forth to ruin the goals and aspirations of certain people. The allegations could be true, AP could have abused his child(ren), and for that he deserves what is just; to be tried and sentenced. His children should have the right to a safe and secure living situation. However, if the charges are false, is it right that a person pay for a crime before he receives a sentence? If that be the case are his children worse off when their father loses his livelihood, and how firm will the NFL stand behind their star players after the fact?

There is no question abuse is wrong, child abuse, domestic abuse, etc.; abuse is wrong. Furthermore fabricating such abuse and speaking about it garrulously in the media is also wrong. Passing judgment on someone before they get their day in court is wrong. What if we are all wrong and it turns out this was just spin to get people talking about the NFL? This monster corporation, the NFL, wouldn’t be around today if it wasn’t good at talking about itself, getting itself talked about, or in general talking about getting excited about itself. This idea excites me. What the players do on and off the field neither affect our daily lives (unless we let them), or change the outcome of our day. The only reason we are talking about these “professional athletes” is because they do physically extraordinary feats, the keyword in this sentence being physical. If their goal is to be physically abusive on the field, who says they aren’t more prone to become more physically abusive off? And how does one turn that aggression off? The NFL pretty much promotes that we eat, sleep, and breathe football. What is there to do?

Hands down the most compelling part of this event is the idea that child abuse is wrong, however, and it seems to be trumped by money and sponsorships in comparison. The stories I have read, with little detail, and utilization of vagaries gets me to about this point: What makes society quick to judge, and how useful is that in the end?

Letter to the Editor: What’s in a Name; The Redskins and Lake Calhoun

4 TLake Calhoun- Wikipedia

I wrote this piece to MN Daily 11/11/13, it was never published.  The Redskins were to play the Vikings, just as they did last weekend. 

***

11/11/13 (previously unpublished)

In recent news proponents arguing for the name change of the Redskins rallied outside of the Metrodome in downtown Minneapolis.  This rally was set in place on the basis of a name change, the namesake of an NFL team, this team, the Washington Redskins.  This specific argument of change is very important, and central to the nation’s growth, and progressive equality for minorities; however, those same activists who went out to advocate the name change of an NFL team have overlooked the name change of a city landmark that is racially as disparaging, the name change of Lake Calhoun.

What are the true motives for those rallying against the name?  Is it a national hot topic that brings people out?  Why not try to fix something local?  Something as detrimental for minority groups as the name of an NFL team.  Lake Calhoun is a city landmark named in honor of a promoter of slavery, a confederate general from the South, and a person who slighted the ideas of abolitionists.  Yet we do nothing to change the name.  We stand outside of the Metrodome taking photos behind signs while the name of Lake Calhoun sits safely in the midst of our city. 

For living in this progressive city I feel this name an embarrassment.  I believe we as citizens have a right to protect the idea of equality within our community, not just those of nationwide spectacles. 

For the past 3 years, since I found the true origin of the name of Lake Calhoun (from an ambitious History Professor at MCTC, Matt Carhartt) I have seen nothing change.  I have heard nothing of the idea since.