I am not friends with 99.8% of the people I went to high school with and that is a subjective fact. As a 31 year-old Millennial dad I find myself only having about three or four real friends in my life at any one point in time, and I think that calculation is great! This understanding is kind of an amazing thing to consider; it’s beautiful, I love it. I smile more. Less of a crowd to impress, less to persuade or be a spectacle for, or to simply agree with to avoid conflict. Gossip did that, so did a minimalist mindset.
Moreover, I lost most of my “friends” about two years ago, around election time, around the time I realized that I didn’t necessary absolutely agree with being one of the progressive/regressive herd, or what was said on CNN or Facebook or Twitter et al. and on the mainstream news–which is everything and everywhere. You could say I like diversity of thought. At that time, I found myself realizing there is only time for what is important: MY individual beliefs and goals. I had to declutter my personal life of excess, so I made a plan and followed through. It just involved being my true self and being able to walk away from things I did not need while amassing more of the essential things necessary to making my future better.
One is aWOKEn quickly when there are mouths to feed that none of your so-called friends, the ones who don’t really do anything in a give-and-take relationship, will be putting lunch on the table or give you positive ideas and motivations or pay your credit card or student loan debt. (Not only do they not do those things for you but YOU DO NOT NEED TO GET THEIR APPROVAL TO DO YOUR LIFE.) I don’t expect them to, but they don’t expect you to either. That lack of vision and support is stagnation, there needs to be positive diversity of thought in all situations. Further, those friends may tell you big ideas and wallow, that is anitmotivational. They may tell you they aspire but don’t have motivation or action to try, that is pro-sedentarism and takes you nowhere. You could have mannequins around you giving thumbs up and they would do more for your self care purposes.
Realizing this is important: you make you. Realizing it’s just you and what you make of life is key to the success you find in your life. Friends I have lost have offered commiseration for a period of time and were necessary, approval that it is acceptable to be subpar. Not anymore. I declutter my basement and I declutter my friends. I don’t need excuses or malarkey from people around me, I need action and awareness and planning, which are qualities some people my age may lack–especially the loudest ones with the biggest dreams and even bigger fingers to point at everyone but themselves. However, I would agree some people do have these winning qualities and that is a HUGE positive, and they are close to me. (The quiet ones with winning qualities get to work with their hands and their brains and not their mouths.) I may be callus and I may be calculated, but only God can judge me perhaps.
Accordingly, after reading and taking in much Brian Tracy and Dave Ramsey and documentaries on minimalism, I want role models around me, I want people who are flawed that come out better than when they started, human ones, empathetic: ones that make mistakes and come out better by experience. I want quality not quantity. I don’t need a bunch of virtue-signalists around me waiting for their big break. I am flawed but I am striving for better for myself and my family and my future. I am in debt but I have a plan to become a millionaire if I simply follow that plan.
Everyone is flawed, so what? I want to make tomorrow better for those I find around me and myself, so do I complain and blame or make change? A better me means a better you for all of us. In the past, perhaps that might have been not so, and I wondered who was around me at that point in time, what encouragement creates. Which support systems and rules did I follow to get here or there? Realizing that debt was controlling my life, my work, and my freedom at every moment was important to realizing I needed less of some things and more of others. That was a great lesson but it would have never been learnt had I not been to the bottom or experienced hardships. We find ourselves cleansing in times when we feel impure, we find ourselves taking a shower to wash clean our bodies and start new days. I am cleansing of my student loans of credit card debt to be completely free, that is a part of this metamorphosis.
We can think on the positive aspects of any negative situation and learn from them and and grow from them. Every hardship or struggle or tragedy we face is a moment to learn, to come back stronger and better and more equipped to manage the world around you in the future. We can do this with anything: friends, debt, ideology, religion, identity, etc. Those are the times we live in; you can be a bobcat, a dinosaur, or an astronaut.
When I have a problem that I can’t solve I wait for a new day and think it over again, new thought may come my way. This is a new day. You have a new day now too. Today I find myself marveling at quality not quantity. I have friends I truly laugh with daily, truly care about constantly. I have friends who are thoughtful and listen. I have friends who hear my ideas and do not judge me for my honesty. I see that with a plan and positive thinkers around me I can make it, or I can make it by myself with positive thought.
I believe anyone can make it irregardless of everything. I don’t have to believe that the world is ending because the television tells me so. Or that we are going to hell because 100 % of half of the scientists in the smart part of town agree generally speaking on Headline News. I can believe in the church but not believe in God. I can believe that Texas Toast is made in Ohio. I don’t have to hate a politician because everyone else does and says that I must too. This is America! I don’t have to show intolerance to those who I don’t agree with and then ask for tolerance from everyone around me so I can look good in my social circles, or on social media. I can be kind all on my own, to all without being prompted. Maybe my social circle is broken and that is tolerance. Maybe forget social media. Nothing is complete, except for death, probably.
And if you agree with that and more, then that is perfectly fine, that is so. You may just be my new friend, like at the beginning. Perfect, right? Well, I hope not. Perfect is complete, ended, finished, dead. This is just the beginning. Maybe you will open up and cleanse yourself of the clutter you don’t need, tying you down. You are all right with that and I am too. Being all right is good, but it’s not the best. You don’t have to and shouldn’t be perfect. I am nowhere near perfect either. Neither is this idea or this written piece, it’s fluid abstract and important and not and open to new ideas. Though, I find myself closer to making change daily and seeing where that takes me, with or without every other individual around me who agrees or doesn’t and doesn’t change themselves or have to anyway because of it.
There is an old saying about who needs friends, but ever better would be saying who needs you? You NEED YOU. Those you love NEED YOU. They NEED YOU TO BE OPEN MINDED AND POSITIVE AND READY TO MAKE CHANGE not complaint. I think YOU NEED YOU, too, the most because I know I need me the most too.
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