Tag Archives: Satire

Socialism in a Meme

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Noah’s Ark Proves Climate Change is Real and We Should Learn from that Experience

Noah’s Ark is a very well-documented historical event in which water covered the earth, brought on by extreme climate change. And it possible killed off all the dinosaurs. We are seeing the prelude to another biblical climate event that will happen in the near future, we must learn from that experience.

As when Noah built his Ark, weather in our time is becoming more and more extreme every day. It’s a fact, from the Bible, that rain caused the waters of the earth to rise considerably, covering our planet. Today, rain caused by extreme climate has caused numerous floods throughout the globe.

Similarly today, scientists, like God did over a millennium ago, have stated that global warming and climate change will cause the oceans of the world to rise. In Noah’s time, waters rose, killing all those humans and animals not on the Ark–which explains why there wasn’t room for dinosaurs. Coincidence? Highly unlikely.

Another revelation that we see in both cases is climate change deniers. Noah faced many people who called him crazy for his beliefs about climate change and God, saying climate change wasn’t real. Wrong. Today, there are people who just don’t believe in climate change, and that’s a fact, they need to learn.

Now that we know the real facts about our impending doom on earth, we can learn from the Bible. It’s time to combat climate change by doing as Noah did: build an ark–or if that is not physically possible, at least buy enough inflatable rafts to save the human and animal populations.

Now is the time to act on climate change, use less. Time is running out. The waters of the world are rising, weather is getting worse. There is no time to think, there is only to act to save the planet and ourselves. Here are some rafts at a discount: raft. Do your part.

WikiLeaks founder leaves Embassy for Minnesota Trout Opener, He just couldn’t Wait

London, Spain–Wikileaks founder Jeffrey Sausage couldn’t wait another moment, he had to go to the Minnesota Trout Opener. Nothing could stop him.

Jeffrey loves running WikiLeaks and hanging out in embassies for six years straight, but what he loves even more is trout fishing in Minnesota.

With blue skies and perfect weather, Minnesota is the best place on earth, and the best place on earth for the best fishing on earth.

Jeffrey was seen bursting out onto the streets of London, Spain with a sparkling zeal, with his security detail in tow to make the next flight.

Good luck Mr. Sausage, may you catch your limit.

Infinity Inches possibly Forecasted likely to fall in Minnesota, potentially

FROGTOWN USA–There is no sugarcoating this one, Minnesota may possibly, potentially get infinity inches of snow in the next few days, way more than 6 to 12 inches as previously forecasted.

Snowstorm Ice Dragon is plowing through the middle of the nation on a disaster course, one way worse than last April’s Snowmaggedon. Way worse.

Winter is coming again. The path of the storm is pinpointed in the graphic of Minnesota below, marked in red is where infinity inches is slated to fall.

Just when we thought winter was finally over, it’s back and it doesn’t care about our feelings.

New Puppy No Longer Facebook Sensation, Likes and Comments Down, Owner Struggles to Find It Home at Humane Society

AMERICA, USA–A recent study showed that on average 65% of pet owners posted pictures of their pets to social media twice a week, these posts impact the quality of life for pets, especially if the pet is having trouble garnering an attractive and powerful presence on social media platforms.

Last week, for example, in a stunning reversal of opinion due to lack of likes and followers on Facebook, the owner of an old new puppy struggled to find it a new home at the humane society.

Likes just weren’t what they used to be on Facebook and Instagram, so the pooch had to go, said the former owner laughingly while staring at their phone. There will be better puppies out there to post on social media about, they quipped.

Recently, perhaps, there has been an uptick in the number of pets not pulling their weight on social media platforms and this hypothetical theory may directly impact the animal population within rescue facilities all over the globe, and their owner’s clout in the social media universe.

One solution to this potential problem could be that dogs and pets simply need to be cuter to retain their social media following and meaningful presence, perhaps breeding them better or creating an amazing, more interesting presence on social media can nip this issue in the bud.

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Don’t Stop Believing: Democrats and News Media Agree Mueller Report OVER But There is Still More to Investigate, Always

AMERICA, USA– Even if it’s NOT Mueller Time (bummer) and President Trump isn’t found to have colluded with Russia (double bummer), perhaps, rest assured Democrats and the news media will continue their endless crusade to prove what they believe happened happened, no matter what.

Everyone in the United States can sleep easy knowing that the smartest, most aware, most unbiased, and believable are now on the case, again, again. Really. This time they aren’t just looking for Russia collision tied to Trump, they are also looking for unicorns, magic dragons, and pots of gold at the end of rainbows. They are going to dig DEEP!

The new, new investigation could take an infinite amount of time, cover a plethora of unlimited topics, and cost tax payers trillions of dollars. But they got time, it’s not election season yet. And they got money: yours. And they got ideas, new ones! Get ready for the inevitable, again.

Coverage of the new investigation is expected daily, throughout its entirety, for transparency purposes. Indictments and new, more unique theories to follow. It’s Time… formerly known as Mueller Time, time.

Americans have waited two years, they can wait longer for this imperative and paramount information to be provided by this report, or the next, or the next, to reach a conclusion (that Democrats and the news media can all agree with).

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TS_

Pothole Peril: Guinness called to Measure Potholes in St Paul

ST PAUL, MINNESOTA– With cars abandoned on the side of the roads and broken axles abound, the most liveable city has the most massive potholes–so massive that Guinness World Records has been contacted to assess their true record status.

We will report results as they come in, fingers crossed.

Drive safe out there.