Tag Archives: science

Manspreading caused by male organ placement science reveals, new study of anatomy exposes the goods 

Full spread on a subway

Frogtown, USA–In an unbelievable turn of events, new revelations about the once thought to be loathsome male act of “manspreading” has been revealed, science has unsheathed the exact cause stemming from males having an external reproductive organ between their legs due to anatomy.

In recent years, the gaping phenomenon of the “manspread” has been spotted all over the world and called out and disparaged on transit lines and in metro buses ubiquitously, seen as an unforgivable negative offense of the male persuasion. Now what seems to be a completely obvious reason for spreading one’s legs has been put forth to the masses, suggesting the opposite.

Two days ago, in a secret laboratory at Area 51, which only creates scientific laws, hot air balloons, cowardly lions, and never-fails, the act of “manspreading” has been proven to be brought on by an excruciating condition linked to the male anatomy’s mass in relation to thighs proximity rather than by individual preference to take up an entire row of seats, unnamed official sources close to the secret undisclosed laboratory have said.

“We are one hundred percent certain that the reliable scientists at Area 51, researching this matter have said that one hundred percent of the males who manspread have genitals between their legs which cause an uncomfortable feeling while sitting in a constricted manner on transit, causing kinetic spreadage.” One anonymous dependable source expressed. 

After a day of rigorous studies and headscratching, this amazing conclusion was absolutely found to be conclusive–and now, soon to be made into scientific law in the United States.  This research is a prime example of the power of modern science, specifically related to human anatomy. And it shows how more studies could challenge the way societey views actions deemed as negative habits. 

New Study: Global warming to cause devastating measurable harm in America locally in 2017, spring rummage sales in the midwest to take an incredibly massive hit

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Steam pipes spraying off a bunch of steam into the blue skies at an undisclosed location at an undisclosed time soon to change midwestern rummage sales forever (Photo by Walter/flickr CC2.0)

 

So far this year, we have seen polar ice caps melting more swiftly into the see, extreme weather spawning tornadoes across the central United States wreaking havoc, and now there is more tangible proof that the laws of global warming are taking a real grip globally and locally, midwestern rummage sales are slated to take a dramatic fiscal hit this year.

“Sure, the snow is gone, the ice piles is melting, and the flowers are popping up everywhere, but this change will touch us all, it will cause rummage salers to be absolutely confused about when to go rummagesaling… when to buy or sell.  What’s even more, executives holding rummage sales will be just as confused as when to have a rummage sale as a tomato plant that tries to bloom in march in Duluth!”  One disgruntled anonymous self-proclaimed community representative said last week.

All of this nice, tempered weather in what should be a winter weather wonderland this season will have an eventual, inevitable, severe, insane, incredible, unbelievable, amazing, awesome, terrible, ridiculous, measurable cost.  Rummage sales sales for 2017 are forecasted to be down, way down.  Down so much so that $25 worth of things-you-no-longer-wanted-cluttering-up-your-house will be worth only $15.  

This year’s global warming inevitability is bad, real bad.  (And that’s been fact-checked) When you think about the local effect that global warming has on the world, it is hard to comprehend.  If each neighborhood is unable to make money off of rummage sales then the GDP for that neighborhood will be perish, changing tax values, raising the crime rate, adding to growing poverty, and this obviously leads to more socio-economical matters of grave concern, of course more protests.

And with all this bad, there is a silverling.  Although, global warming will be felt locally–by law, immensely this year, there is still hope.  A band of vigilante activists called “NCF” (which stands for No Carbohydrate Footprint) is out spreading the message to reduce their carbohydrate footprint drastically.  Their actions are simple and easy and anyone can make change for the better.  They advise the masses to simply eat less bread, noodles, and pop tarts.  We can all make positive change in these dire times by stepping it up and reducing out carbohydrate footprint.

In lieu of all of this new information from this new study, now that there is visible measurable proof, all naysayers can switch their ideologies and start fixing the problem here and now, on this planet.  Further, to help reduce one’s carbohydrate footprint one must avoid all grains, all food products that have carbohydrates in them.  The world truly depends on those with higher enlightenment, those with the ability to make change in the present for the better of the future.