Full spread on a subway
Frogtown, USA–In an unbelievable turn of events, new revelations about the once thought to be loathsome male act of “manspreading” has been revealed, science has unsheathed the exact cause stemming from males having an external reproductive organ between their legs due to anatomy.
In recent years, the gaping phenomenon of the “manspread” has been spotted all over the world and called out and disparaged on transit lines and in metro buses ubiquitously, seen as an unforgivable negative offense of the male persuasion. Now what seems to be a completely obvious reason for spreading one’s legs has been put forth to the masses, suggesting the opposite.
Two days ago, in a secret laboratory at Area 51, which only creates scientific laws, hot air balloons, cowardly lions, and never-fails, the act of “manspreading” has been proven to be brought on by an excruciating condition linked to the male anatomy’s mass in relation to thighs proximity rather than by individual preference to take up an entire row of seats, unnamed official sources close to the secret undisclosed laboratory have said.
“We are one hundred percent certain that the reliable scientists at Area 51, researching this matter have said that one hundred percent of the males who manspread have genitals between their legs which cause an uncomfortable feeling while sitting in a constricted manner on transit, causing kinetic spreadage.” One anonymous dependable source expressed.
After a day of rigorous studies and headscratching, this amazing conclusion was absolutely found to be conclusive–and now, soon to be made into scientific law in the United States. This research is a prime example of the power of modern science, specifically related to human anatomy. And it shows how more studies could challenge the way societey views actions deemed as negative habits.
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Tagged anatomy, Art, Fake News, Health, Literature, males, manspread, manspreading, men, News, Satire, science, study, Transit, USA
St Paul, MN– In a recent unsubstantiated report put out by AP (Ambiguous Press) a single covert unobtrusive research study has found that reading Facebook or CNN at least twice daily, perhaps, is actually equal to attaining a political science doctorate from an accredited University.
This astonishing fact, perhaps, has come out at a time when your friends on Facebook may know just about everything there is to know about politics and science from simply reading a headline published by CNN and create an elaborate and accurate theory or law in a matter of moments in a status update or a rudimentary comment, breakthroughs that change the world.
Sir Richard B’hole, the leading scientist on the study, and famous Antarctic big game hunter, expressed these findings proves that our brains work faster than they ever have before, people are more certain in their beliefs and that is all that matters. Sir B’hole went on to say that it’s amazing that we can learn so much from so little.
Although the AP reported study has been published and went viral on Facebook and throughout social media venues unquestioned, it is merely one single scientific study, meaning that it still has to be tested countless other times and produce the same result, and then go on to be peer reviewed, this, to even be close to considered factually or realistically relevant. To that B’hole said, we are on to something here, we live in a very intelligent time… very interesting.
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Tagged AP, cnn, Comedy, degree, English, facebook, Fact, Fact Check, findings, Important, joke, Jonathan Swift, Literature, media, msm, News, news media, Political, political science, Positive, Realism, Reality, report, Satire, study, USA